• It’s National Anthem Day (US), Holy Cross Day, National Cream-Filled Doughnut Day, New Year’s Day (Greece), National Clothes Swapping Week, Puppy Awareness Week, Gas Safety Week, Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• Scottish Olympic and Paralympic medal winners take part in a parade in Glasgow before attending a reception hosted by First Minister Alex Salmond and Glasgow City Council at the Old Fruitmarket. 

• Former light welterweight champion Ricky Hatton makes a 'major announcement' at a press conference in Manchester today (Radisson Hotel) 

• Vince Cable – employment law reform announcement. The Business Secretary announces a new package of measures. 

• Chancellor George Osborne publishes the advert for the next Governor of the Bank of England today. 

• World Ploughing Championship in Croatia – Over 50 from around 30 countries compete. 

• Vodafone London Fashion Week starts – until 18th September 

• GOLF – Day 2 of the Ricoh Women's British Open (The Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake) 

• Get ready to queue! They’re predicting 'unprecedented demand' for Apple's new iPhone when it hits the shops – a week today. Online pre-orders open this morning on all the major networks – you can even get it on pay as you go – for almost £600!! 

• Craig Revel Horwood has given his verdict on this year's Strictly line up and has already begun criticising Richard Arnold. He reckons he’ll be absolutely dreadful!! His says Tracey Beaker, actress Dani Harmer will be brilliant along with Fern Britton and Girls Aloud’s Kimberley Walsh. 

• Yesterday we found out the Justin Bieber wears women’s clothes… Because they fit him better…Today we’re being told that Lewis Hamilton secretly dresses up in his girlfriends saucy latex gear… Nicole Scherzinger says it’s his little secret… Errr, not anymore Nicole. I think the pussycat doll has let the cat out of the bag… 

• WOMEN have scored an own goal with football-loving fellas by voting rugby players the sexiest sportsmen. A new survey says more than a third of women prefer players with odd-shaped balls. More girls admitted they would love a scrum-ptious rugger star rather than play with a footballers balls… They rated rough and tumble rugby top for breeding the best bodies. Whereas only 16% of those polled would score with pretty-boy footballers. 

• THE average British man spends a whopping 18 minutes making himself look presentable in the morning, according to research. Metrosexual men who take pride in their appearance are on the rise, according to QVC. In a lifetime guys spend 5,105 minutes in front of a mirror perfecting their look. 

• A slug that slipped its way into the inner workings of a set of traffic lights in Hereford created a headache for motorists in yesterday’s rush hour. Drivers were left scratching their heads when the traffic lights all over town stuck on green. That sounds like paradise! 

• Its official – men love to be seen out with a curvy and sensual woman, scientists say. But only when it comes to taking them on dates, rather than up the aisle to become a wife. In any long-term relationship, it’s a pretty face that’s important to a man. 

• Do you know how much you’re other half earns? NINE in 10 of us refuse to discuss how much we earn with anyone other than very close family. Just 7% of us are confident discussing what we take home with anyone we don’t know. 2% of us lie about our salary…. 

• THIS should put a grin on your face – a great smile is the best way of getting a date... In fact, it beats a toned body or beautiful eyes in the dating stakes, according to a new study. 39 % of us rate white teeth and a healthy smile as the most important physical attribute… Is that why all those people on The Jeremy Kyle show are single… Well they are after the lie detector tests… 

• Children are being discouraged from using the internet to help their studies because of fears they'll find inappropriate or adult material. A study claims 1-in-5 secondary school students feel unsure about using the web for revision, research or homework. The same proportion also say their school has not taught them how to use the internet safely. 

Farmers in the Dearne FM area are hoping other dairies will follow Arla. The firm announced last week that they'll pay an extra 2p per litre of milk. It follows a summer of protests and blackades by the regions farmer's who've seen their costs soar. Charles Platt's runs Home Farm at West Bretton he says it makes a huge difference 

2 people who attacked a Barnsley student will and left him for dead will be sentenced later. Daniel Whiteley was found with serious injuries in a Manchester Park. Michael Brownlie and Nicholas Lindsay pleaded guilty to attempted murder. 

Gillian Radcliffe, a candidate in the running to become South Yorkshire's next Police and Crime Commissioner has pulled out of the election. The Independent candidate says she doesn't have the fifty thousand pounds needed to fund her political campaign. There are now two party political candidates now left to contest the PCC role, along with anyone else who enters the fray over the next month or so. 

A Barnsley college student has gained a prestigious place in the royal marines.  It was only after completing a series of gruelling mental and physical entry assessments that 18 year old Ashley Holling secured his entry in October. He studied Public Services at Barnsley College and went on a trip to train with the Royal Marines as part of his course. 

Barnsley are preparing to welcome Blackpool to Oakwell tomorrow. The Tykes have suffered some injury blows recently with only 12 senior players available for their last match. And Blackpool are looking strong, sitting top of the championship after four games. Manager Keith hill says Blackpool's previous good form dosen't worry him. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on Science... 

What name is given to the orbit of an artificial communications satellite? 

The answer to yesterday’s question... What do Ben Johnson and Waterford Crystal have in common? was Both have been disqualified for doping at the Olympic games (Waterford Crystal was an Irish horse at the 2004 games in Athens) 

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

The humble roast dinner has topped the poll as Britain’s most nostalgic meal. More than half of the people polled said a roast with all the trimmings was most likely to evoke memories of the taste and sounds of a Sunday lunch, surrounded by the family as a youngster. Runner up was Shepherd’s Pie, with rice pudding, egg and chips and bangers and mash closely following. Angel Delight came sixth, while beef stew and dumplings filled seventh. Toad-in-the-hole came in at eighth while cheese on toast and beans on toast completed the top ten. Researchers also found that 44% said a meal was most likely to remind them of their childhood simply because it was their favourite dish growing up. Another 32% said it was because it was their mum’s specialty meal to cook for them, while almost one in ten said they used to help their mum or dad make it. 

Elvin in Silkstone remembers as a lad he and his brother always had a cooked breakfast before school...not bacon & eggs though...his Mum would put meat, kidney and a big onion stuffed with cloves in a stewpot at night and let it slow cook all night, and that’s what they had for Breakfast with a slice of fresh bread and butter to soak up the gravy! 

Robbie Williams is saying this morning he’s hoping to rejoin Take That for a second time. Has the money run out already?! He’s currently preparing to release his ninth album called ‘Take the Crown’ on November 5, but he’s insisted that he's open to the idea of rejoining the lads for another album. His new single 'Candy' is out on October 29 and he says he wrote the track in his loft with Gary Barlow while they were looking out of his sky light for UFOs… Well that’s what they told his misses...And he says that he wrote his new album specifically to perform in stadiums. 

Get ready to queue! They’re predicting 'unprecedented demand' for Apple's new iPhone when it hits the shops – a week today. The new handset goes on sale here on September 21^st Online pre-orders open this morning on all the major networks – you can even get it on pay as you go – for almost £600!! Huge queues are expected at Apple stores around the world when it hit the shops NEXT FRIDAY. The new handset has 4" screen, its 4G and it’s got a new connector that means it won’t connect to all the stuff you’ve got already – unless you shell out for an adapter… If you want to buy it on pay as you go you might want to get a bank loan...it’s going to cost £700 for the 64GB model 

Thousands of places at some of the country’s top universities remain unfilled this morning amid plummeting student numbers, a new independent survey shows. 30,000 fewer undergraduates have chosen to go on to degree courses this autumn following the introduction of that £9,000 a year tuition fees. Many that have applied for courses have also been rejected after the drop in results this year...And the new admissions policy has also backfired, leaving top universities particularly badly hit – with around 5,000 places left vacant after the biggest fall in A grades in A-level history. Hundreds of degree courses at universities such as Birmingham, Leeds, Worcester, Liverpool and Exeter are still showing vacancies on the UCAS website. 

Spending too much time at work is the biggest regret parents have about their children’s early years, according to a study. It found more than three quarters have at least one thing they regret doing - or not doing – during this period. And two thirds admit they would do things differently if they could have the time again. In addition to working too hard, the top five regrets included worrying too much about things that did not really matter, not playing with the children more, not going on more holidays and not taking enough photos. 

A survey from Best Western hotels has revealed some bizarre room service calls. One guest asked reception to send ghosts to his room, and another wanted sea salt scrub sent up to remove a botched-up fake tan. Another made a request for a ferret because he and his wife were attending a small animal show and didn't want to go alone. Some guests wanted to make sure their favourites were able to check in too… One man wanted to reserve a room at the hotel, and an extra bed for his collection of Barbie Dolls. Another wanted ground floor room for a motorbike, and a place at another wanted a place at the breakfast table for a religious statue. And a woman in her 20s requested a sea view room at a Birmingham hotel… Obviously unaware she was over 100 miles away from the nearest seaside resort. The Metro paper says requests for towels, toothpaste and razors topped the list of calls, and that a quarter of us order room service. 

WOMEN have scored an own goal with football-loving fellas by voting rugby players the sexiest sportsmen. A new survey says more than a third of women prefer players with odd-shaped balls. More girls admitted they would love a scrum-ptious rugby star rather than play with a footballer … They rated rough and tumble rugby top for breeding the best bodies. Whereas only 16% of those polled would score with pretty-boy footballers. The research also found that 20% of women will pretend to like a fella’s favourite sport to get on his good side. But 55% of men say they don’t find sporting lasses a turn-on. 5% of men admitted indulging in beauty treatments like eyebrow-shaping and manicures like Justine Bieber and Lewis Hamilton have owned up to doing this week…. 

A slug that slipped its way into the inner workings of a set of traffic lights in Hereford created a headache for motorists in yesterday’s rush hour. Drivers were left scratching their heads when the traffic lights all over town stuck on green. That sounds like paradise! Engineers were called to the location and found a dead slug in the control system box that had stuck the lights on green everywhere… Somehow the slug managed to infiltrate the control mechanism, sit on the circuit board and then it got fried. That slug is a hero! The traffic lights are now up and running again and the council has resealed the control system box to make sure a rogue slug doesn't get it there again. It’s a shame we can’t set a few slugs free on Taylor Row! 

Its official – men love to be seen out with a curvy and sensual woman, scientists say. But only when it comes to taking them on dates, rather than up the aisle to become a wife. In any long-term relationship, it’s a pretty face that’s important to a man. The results support the belief that men are instinctively attracted to women’s bodies if they are keen on a "no strings” relationship. But a man pays more attention to a woman’s face if he is thinking of settling down and starting a family. This is because a woman’s face provides strong clues to her "reproductive value”, claim the experts. 

More UK workers will hand in their notice today than during any week of the year, a report has revealed. Getaway breaks during the summer holidays have apparently inspired thousands of us to make the break and apply for a new job or decide on a complete change of career. The report says a staggering 37% of the years resignations will take place later, while another 24% happen during the first week of February. Both of these bouts of resignation occur four weeks after the end of traditional holiday seasons. 

• It’s Roald Dahl Day, Positive Thinking Day, Defy Superstition Day, National Peanut Day, Puppy Awareness Week, Gas Safety Week, Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• The French judge and prosecutor of the Annecy shootings are expected to visit the UK to follow up leads with British investigators. 

• Victoria Pendleton launches her autobiography, ‘Between The Lines’ today. She won gold in this year's Summer Olympics. 

• The CAMRA Good Beer Guide 2013 is released – Lists 4,500 of the best real ale pubs in the UK 

• A homecoming event for Andy Murray is planned in his hometown, as he flies back into Scotland following his US Open win on Monday. 

• Nintendo are expected to preview the upcoming Nintendo Wii U console today – and announce release dates and prices. 

• ‘The Great British Pub Awards’ 

• GOLF – Ricoh Women's British Open starts (The Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake) 

• It’s here! Apple has unveiled a TALLER and THINNER iPhone 5. Its made of glass which comes with a sleek new panoramic camera feature and a FULL 1080 HD video camera recorder… 

• The X Factor isn’t going to have as many finalists as last year. Gary Barlow has been tweeting they’ll be 4 less than last year. For the last couple of years, the judges have had four acts each in the final stages, making 16 through to the live shows. However, Mr Barlow has tweeted that he’s only picked three acts to go through to the Live Shows, so this year it’s 12. 

• Christmas has already arrived in some supermarkets. Packets of mince pies are on sale at Sainsbury's, and Tesco has been selling milk chocolate Santas since September 8th. 

• Rolf Harris is making a return to the telly – this time on Channel 5. The legend has been given a new gig at The University of Liverpool's Vet School. His new show is going to be called – Rolf's Animal Clinic. He famously hosted hit BBC One series Animal Hospital during the '90s. 

• Victoria Pendleton is a bit miffed (as I think I’d be...) Nothing to do with he professional dancing partner on this weekend’s Strictly, it’s her bike… She’s tweeted that her Olympic gold medal-winning bike has been sold… She says that the carbon-fibre cycle she used in the keirin event at London 2012 was sold without her permission. She says that she was going to buy the bike but they've sold it and without telling her… 

• Strictly is back on Saturday and Lisa Riley (or Mandy Dingle) says in The Star she’s worried about "looking like an Oompa Loompa" She says she’s never had a spray tan in her life!
  
  
• Noel Gallagher has told us he'll never reform Oasis. He’s conceded that bands that reunite can result in them becoming bigger than they were before, but he still maintains that Oasis have no reason to reform because they were huge first time out… Good to see his ego hasn’t got any bigger – because it obviously cant… 

• New photos of the cast of Red Dwarf are in the papers this morning ahead of the show's new series on Dave next month. The old cast, Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, Robert Llewellyn and Danny John-Jules are all back in the new the six-part series. We now know the new episode titles… They’ll be 'Trojan', 'Fathers and Suns', 'Lemons', 'Entangles', 'Dear Dave' and 'The Beginning'. The final episode's title mirrors the first ever episode 'The End', hinting that the programme may be heading for some form of rounded climax. 

• IF you see Justin Bieber at the checkout in Miss Selfridge, it's not because he's buying threads for his girlfriend…He prefers to wear girls' clothes because he says they are more fitted. Alex Reid tried that excuse but eventually he had to come clean…Justin reckons he wears women's jeans because they fit him better. Well, that’s his excuse and he’s sticking to it… 

• MADONNA has revealed her worst nightmare — Marmite. Madge’s daughter Lourdes, loves the stuff and has urged her to mum try the spread. Madge has told The New York Daily Post "I would do anything for my children...Except have a Marmite sandwich! 

• Men who sound like Barry White or the actor James Earl Jones can get ahead in the mating game we’re being told … It’s because women remember a deep male voice, scientists are saying. Women are sensitive to the pitch of a voice and remember a deep voice better than a squeaky voice... 

• Toddlers called Rose and Corey are the hardest to handle, according to a study of mums and dads. Kids with those names are said to be more likely to throw tantrums, kick up a fuss and argue with their parents. 

• The nominations for the 2012 Barclaycard Mercury Prize have been announced. Jessie Ware's debut album Devotion, quirky Scottish band Django Django's self-titled LP and Plan B's soundtrack to his film iLL Manors are among the nominations. Early favourites Alt-J are recognised for An Awesome Wave, along with Richard Hawley's critically acclaimed Standing at the Sky's Edge. 

South Yorkshire Police Chief Constable David Crompton says he's ashamed and embarrassed after revelations about how the force handled the Hillsborough tragedy. A major inquiry into the 1989 tragedy reveals there were clear operational failures in response to the disaster followed by attempts to deflect the blame onto fans – He told Dearne FM how he felt upon hearing about the force's failings. 

More than four million people living in Yorkshire and the Humber are at risk of falling into debt because of the rising costs of running a car. A new report outlines the growing problem of so-called 'transport poverty' and says people are at serious risk of being cut off from society. 

Six months ago local girl Jodie Sandford went to Zimbabwe with Oxfam to see for herself how her monthly donation to the organisation is spent. Little did she know – she ended up being on a national TV advertising campaign for Oxfam. Next week Jodie will be at the Lakeside Methodist Centre in  Wakefield at an event to share what she found out when she went to Zimbabwe. 

And we'll be hearing from Barnsley gaffer Keith Hill later. His side returns to action this weekend after the International break. We'll bring the latest on the Oakwell injury crisis ahead of their match with Blackpool. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on PE... 

What do Ben Johnson and Waterford Crystal have in common?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... Which holiday island has an airport called Luqa?was Malta 

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

Headline Makers with the Barnsley Chronicle... 

How would you like to see your words printed in Friday’s Barnsley Chronicle? That’s the reward for coming up with the best headline for this week’s story on Headline Makers. The current score is Dearne FM Listeners 13 Barnsley Chronicle 13...can we get back to winning ways this week? We are looking for your suggestions of a headline for this story... A CLUMSY cat was lucky not to lose an eye after he was speared by a rose bush thorn. Ten-month-old Rory needed an operation following his brush with the bush, thought to be caused by him falling out of a tree. Owner Sharon Worman, of Redbrook, said her son would not let her see the ginger moggy in case it upset her. "My son Carlo told me that Rory had returned home with a prickly stem in his eye but he wouldn't let me see him because he knew I would be too upset," she said. "He took him straight to the vets where they were able to operate on him immediately and remove the stem. "Rory was able to come home the same day and the vets gave us the piece of rose bush they removed. He was very lucky to have had no lasting damage." Tony Duffy, of Abbey Vets, where Rory was treated said he was lucky he was not more seriously hurt. "The stem went several centimetres into Rory’s eye but fortunately it went under the eyeball and lodged in the eye socket."If it had gone millimetres the other way, Rory could easily have lost his eye or damaged his tear duct but he appears to have made a full recovery.". Chronicle editor Andrew Harrod reckons the headline should be: "Cat Flap After Rory’s Rose Run In”... But this week’s winning headline came from Pete in Penistone...”Thorny Problem Nearly A Cat-astrophe for Rory”! 

Gwyneth Paltrow has been named the World’s Best- Dressed Woman. Gwyneth beat Princess Kate Rihanna and Kim Kardashian in the poll by the US celebs’ mag People. But Wills Wife, Princess Kate was given a nod for the best classic style. Brad Pitt Robert Pattinson and Jay-Z were ranked top for men’s style. 

THE Mercury Music Prize judges have come up with a typically eclectic list of 12 albums. Jessie Ware and Django Django are in with a shout but it’s Alt-J, led by singer Joe Newman, who have everyone talking. They were the favourites before the list was announced yesterday. But now Sheffield hero Richard Hawley and Plan B have leapfrogged them as William Hill’s top tips. For me the Smart money’s on Alt-J or Plan B, but I’d love it to be won by Richard Hawley! So, Jessie Ware's debut album Devotion, quirky Scottish band Django Django's self-titled LP and Plan B's soundtrack to his film iLL Manors are among the nominations. The shortlist is completed by Given to the Wild by The Maccabees, Roller Trio's self-titled LP, Field Music's Plum and Sam Lee's Ground of Its Own. Among the absentees are Kate Bush's 50 Words for Snow, Bright Light Bright Light's Make Me Believe in Hope and Emeli Sandé's Our Version of Events. The winner will be announced at the Barclaycard Mercury Prize Awards Show at the Roundhouse on Thursday, November 1. 

THE whiff of toast is the smell we love most. That’s according to experts today... They say it’s because it evokes happy memories of family breakfasts. Our favourite topping is plain butter followed by cheese, egg, jam and marmalade. Then come baked beans, Marmite, bacon, peanut butter and honey. God! No wonder so many people are fat with all that on a piece of toast… We use toast as a treat to cheer us up, so when we leave home toast recalls family breakfasts and is therefore comforting. I love toast, but to be honest it’s not my favourite smell…Petrol is! What’s your favourite smell??TXT ME! 

• My favourite smell is ginger nuts – Jase Goodwin just finished a night shift 

• My partner Jon loves the smell of freshly cut grass. I love the smell of a roast dinner cooking. Lizzy 

• Best smell fresh bread from Pete in Penistone 

• Cooked breakfast and a woman’s perfume first thing! 

• My favourite smell that I can't get enough of is Elastoplast plasters. To be more precise, the dressing strip which is just the sticky stuff on a roll. Richard 

• Anything my partner is cooking Sooty on M1 

• Carole Woodger – bread cooking in the oven, or wet tar :0) 

Men who sound like Barry White or the actor James Earl Jones can get ahead in the mating game we’re being told … It’s because women remember a deep male voice, scientists are saying. Women are sensitive to the pitch of a voice and remember a deep voice better than a squeaky voice... I think women realise that men with squeaky voices aren’t usually interested in them… If you know what I mean… Depending on what girls remember about a voice they subconsciously choose to go out with you or reject you as a potential mate. In an experiment Men with deep voices got the girls more than men with higher pitched voices… Imagine if the Bee Gees talked like they sang...but, please can someone explain to me why Justin Bieber is still so popular? Even my mum likes him! 

It’s Here! Apple has unveiled a TALLER and THINNER iPhone 5. It’s made of glass which comes with a sleek new panoramic camera feature and a FULL 1080 HD video camera recorder…There are pictures of in ALL of the papers… All I can say is, Wow! It’s thinner and lighter with a new sticker on it, and I’ve still gotta have one...The iPhone 5 has been officially unveiled in San Francisco. They confirmed the new phone has a four-inch display – a half-inch increase on the iPhone 4s. One of the most innovative features announced is the new Panoramic picture mod, which stitches a series of eight-megapixel images together to create a 28-megapixel masterpiece. It records in FULL 1080 HD (That’s the same resolution as HD Telly is broadcast) and it will do video calls in HD too! So girls if you get one and your man phones you – make sure you’ve got your make up on because we’ll be able to see every wrinkle and spot… It’ll be available on 21st September and cost from $199 dollars for the 16 gig version… Yeah – expect that price to be doubled in the UK. So – It’s full of features that I’ll never use…All I want is an iPhone with a longer charging cable and for the battery to last longer than 10 minutes and I’ll be happy as a pig in... Well you know what… 

THE real truth behind the Hillsborough disaster was finally revealed yesterday — 23 years after the tragedy claimed 96 innocent lives. An independent report showed police tried to cover up catastrophic failings by disgracefully smearing Liverpool football fans, pinning the blame on them and falsifying reports. It also disclosed FORTY-ONE victims of the 1989 FA Cup semi-final horror could have been saved if emergency services had acted faster. The Sun this morning says the paper was "deeply ashamed and profoundly sorry” for our notorious front page headline The Truth — published in the aftermath of the tragedy above a story reporting the police’s version of events. 

US Open champ Andy Murray arrived back on British soil yesterday to cheers after his historic win in New York earlier this week. Our tennis ace flew into Heathrow's Terminal 5 with his girlfriend and was greeted by British Airways staff and some very excited members of the public. He became the first British man in 76 years to win a major singles title when he beat Novak Djokovic over five sets in the US Open final. There are pictures of him on the back pages, dressed in jeans and a hooded top, with other holidaymakers as he collected his luggage. While he dealt with the attention from the press, Kim Sears, his girlfriend was left to steer the heavy trolley with all their bags on…That’ll soon change when he’s married… The Daily Mail that ‘his loyal girlfriend's love and support over the past seven years will be rewarded, as Andy could be set to propose…’What a ridiculously patronising thing to say, I reckon the winner there would be Andy Murray! She’s gorgeous… 

Our obsession with the weather is becoming even more of a talking point. One of the oldest and most respected institutions has created a weather club – bringing people together to share and talk about their fascination. The Royal Meteorological Society says the idea will hopefully attract people from around the UK. You can join in and chat, or moan about the weather at www.theweatherclub.org.uk 

So, what’s the secret to a long, healthy life…It’s having loads of friends, according to a new study. People with a lot of mates will live an average 3.7 years longer than those with only a few mates...Scientists found that a good social network was the equivalent of giving up smoking in terms of mortality. But people with only a few mates had a mortality risk equal to being an alcoholic. 

People in Milton Keynes and Luton are the worst in the country for taking the car rather than using public transport. A study by the Campaign for Better Transport ranked nineteen towns and cities across the UK to see which relied on their motors. 

We’re going to be hit in the pocket this Christmas…Experts are warning food prices could soar by 10%. Bread, eggs and chicken are all set to be more expensive because of rising demand – and the rubbish summer. Meat, fruit and vegetable prices have all risen recently because of bad harvests. A drought in Russia has destroyed crops, which has led to a ban on the export of wheat. The 10% rise could mean another 10p on a loaf of bread and an extra 50p on the price of a chicken. The cost of half a dozen free-range eggs could rise to £2. 

Toddlers called Rose and Corey are the hardest to handle, according to a study of mums and dads. Kids with those names are said to be more likely to throw tantrums, kick up a fuss and argue with their parents. The names came top in a study of parents who were asked to reveal the name of their youngsters and rate their behaviour. The study also showed girls are marginally more difficult to handle than boys – with 58% of girls often throwing tantrums compared to 56% of boys. 

It was another rapid-fire round today on Look Who’s Talking with Janet from Monk Bretton, Josie in Worsbrough Common & Leroy in Town, between them they guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a Ghost Train, a Basement and Halloween...sadly, none were right so the prizes, now worth over £450, roll on to 8:20 in the morning when we’ll have another rapid-fire trio!

• It’s National Chocolate Milkshake Day, Independence Day (Cape Verde), National Day (Saudi Arabia, Guinea-Bissau & Ethiopia), Respect For The Aged Day (Japan), Puppy Awareness Week, Gas Safety Week, Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• The new iPhone 5 is revealed today by Apple. 

• Families of those who died in the Hillsborough stadium disaster in Sheffield will today finally get to see unseen files before they’re released to the public. 

• UK monthly unemployment figures out at 9:30am 

• Britain's Most Dog-Friendly Place - Jodie Kidd announces that Brighton is ‘Britain's Most Dog-Friendly Place’. 

• Guinness World Records 2013 Edition is published. With total sales exceeding 100 million copies, over 550,000 sold annually in the UK and four million sold globally. 

• The Queen's Diamond Jubilee – Wills and Kate continue their tour of Singapore. 

• The Barclaycard Mercury Prize nominations are announced. 

• CRICKET – England v South Africa, in the 3^rd Twenty20 international at Edgbaston (18:30). 

• If a ‘fauxmance’ with your ‘tweetheart’ sounds anything but ‘simples’, there is no need to hit the ‘panic button’. Reach for the dictionary instead. The new word list for the dictionary is out… 'Amazeballs' has been added to the latest edition of the Collins English Dictionary. 86 new words and phrases were added to the dictionary's online version following a public 'wordsearch'. 

• The nights are drawing in and there’s a feeling of autumn in the air… 40% of households say they’re worried about the cost of their heating bill this winter. Research by a coalition of charities says that 6 million of us plan to cut back on heating, saying that they won't have enough money to pay for it. 

• The new iPhone 5 is revealed today by Apple in San Francisco at 6:00PM UK TIME. It’s expected to have a bigger screen, better camera, support video calls and have a load of sheep queuing up to buy it when it hits the shops in a couple of weeks time…Will you be bleating your way to the shops to buy one?? 

• The study says self-employed Greeks evaded a staggering £22.4billion of tax in 2009 – almost half the size of the country’s deficit in 2008 and a third of the shortfall in 2009. The chief offenders were doctors, engineers, private tutors, accountants, people in financial services and lawyers, according to the report. 

• The Guinness Book Of World Records 2013 Edition is published today. Total sales for the books have now exceeded 100 million copies, with over 550,000 of the last edition sold in the UK and four million sold globally. Have you ever been in the book?! TEXT ME! 

• First-time buyers expect to save up to the age of 40 before they can buy their first home, a new study has found. The age of the average first-time buyer has rocketed over the past 50 years with high property prices forcing the young to rent or to live with their parents, the report reveals. 

• What’s your biggest pet hate when driving? POTHOLES in the roads are now our biggest single grumble, a survey says. Four years ago, 55 % of AA members said the cost of motoring as their biggest bugbear with only 11 % concerned by the state of the roads. But now 42 % of us listed the state of Britain’s roads as our biggest worry… 

• While many of us cling optimistically to the hope that we might yet get our late Indian summer, over at Tesco the focus is firmly on snowier times… They take delivery of their first festive foods today. With103 days before Christmas, thousands of packets of mince pies go on sale to satisfy our sweet teeth. 

• Using Facebook is the online equivalent of staring at yourself in the mirror, according to a study. Apparently those of us who spend time updating our profile are more likely to be narcissists. Yeah – I’ll spare you the time of going through your dusty old dictionary… It’s someone with a big ego… 

• Forget football – fashion is now the number one interest for young British men… According to a study in GQ magazine, more blokes would prefer to be a fashion designer than play for England. A quarter of guys said fashion dominates their conversations with friends, not footie. 

• England's cricketers aim to give themselves the perfect send off for the Twenty20 World Cup later. They meet South Africa in the final match of the T20 series at Edgbaston. England will be looking to level the three game series. 

• GIRLS – want to marry a footballer and have a busy life of shopping and tanning and getting your nails done? Girls desperate to bag a footballer are flocking to a college course on ‘HOW TO BE A WAG’ which starts next week at West Cheshire College in Ellesmere. 

A Wombwell woman has been speaking to Dearne FM now that London 2012 is over- about her time as a field official in several events. Janette Tomlins, secretary of Wombwell Sporting Athletic Club, was chosen to represent the area because of her work coaching and supporting local athletes. She was an official during the qualifying rounds of the women’s triple jump among other events. 

A new doctor’s surgery and pharmacy is to be built on the site of the old Mexborough Fire Station. The empty land on Highwoods Road is being developed into a state-of-the-art integrated healthcare centre. There'll be a cardio-respiratory suite and a theatre to perform operations. 

Secret files relating to the Hillsborough disaster are due to be made public today. A report's being published by a panel which has analysed more than 400-thousand pages of official documents - including police and government papers. 96 Liverpool fans were crushed to death at an FA Cup semi-final in 1989. We'll hear from South Yorkshire police later today. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on Geography... 

Which holiday island has an airport called Luqa?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... What was first introduced to the UK on April 1^st 1973? was VAT  

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

Headline Makers with the Barnsley Chronicle... 

How would you like to see your words printed in Friday’s Barnsley Chronicle? That’s the reward for coming up with the best headline for this week’s story on Headline Makers. The current score is Dearne FM Listeners 13 Barnsley Chronicle 13...can we get back to winning ways this week? We are looking for your suggestions of a headline for this story... A CLUMSY cat was lucky not to lose an eye after he was speared by a rose bush thorn. Ten-month-old Rory needed an operation following his brush with the bush, thought to be caused by him falling out of a tree. Owner Sharon Worman, of Redbrook, said her son would not let her see the ginger moggy in case it upset her. "My son Carlo told me that Rory had returned home with a prickly stem in his eye but he wouldn't let me see him because he knew I would be too upset," she said. "He took him straight to the vets where they were able to operate on him immediately and remove the stem. "Rory was able to come home the same day and the vets gave us the piece of rose bush they removed. He was very lucky to have had no lasting damage." Tony Duffy, of Abbey Vets, where Rory was treated said he was lucky he was not more seriously hurt. "The stem went several centimetres into Rory’s eye but fortunately it went under the eyeball and lodged in the eye socket."If it had gone millimetres the other way, Rory could easily have lost his eye or damaged his tear duct but he appears to have made a full recovery.". Chronicle editor Andrew Harrod reckons the headline should be: "Cat Flap After Rory’s Rose Run In”... But can you do better?? You have until 8am on Thursday morning to let us have your headline by phone, text or on our Facebook wall! 

BOND bosses are being more secretive than MI6 over who’ll sing over the closing credits of the latest 007 flick Skyfall. But Adele is definitely the front-runner for the gig. She’s been spotted visiting Abbey Road studios, where the soundtrack is being put together. She first hinted that she’d been offered the 007 spot in a chat with Jonathan Ross last year. Soon after that we’ve heard that Adele started singing sessions with the songs producer Paul Epworth. The Sun says her visit to the Abbey Road studios suggests she’s been recording with Thomas Newman, the man director Sam Mendes has hired to take charge of the Bond music. Thomas, who has worked on movies including The Shawshank Redemption and Wall-E, has been holed up at the London studios all month working on the score for the film, which hits cinemas next month. It will be interesting to see what he and Adele come up with. 

George Clooney is back on the market…HOLLYWOOD’S serial single man has split from ANOTHER girlfriend – Stacy Keibler. George, who’s now 51, appeared to be finally settling down with blonde Stacy, who’s 32, after they spent the summer together at his home in Lake Como, Italy, but the papers say commitment-shy Clooney has got cold feet again about settling down 

The AA is having a moan about petrol prices this morning…They say motorists are being held over a barrel after being hit with soaring petrol prices and refineries profits are soaring. The price of petrol at the pumps is back up towards near-record levels, they say; and while we’re stuck with paying astronomic prices, refinery profits have risen to a five year high. Unleaded petrol now costs an average of 139.71p a litre – within 3p of the 142.48p a litre record set in mid April. Since the summer the cost of a typical 50-litre tank refill has risen £4.45 and £6.29 for an 80-litre commercial van tank. Families are being hit as a two-car household is seeing its monthly petrol costs rise by £18.90. When is this RIP-OFF going to stop...we are continually treated like a sacrificial pig whether it’s by the petrol companies or the tax we pay on petrol...Edmund King, the AA president, is accusing refineries of profiting and bumping up costs and has called on it to end and give motorists a fairer deal… Last Sunday a garage was selling petrol for £1.36 per litre, and as I was running late I didn't stop but needed fuel a couple of hours later on the motorway and the price was….. £1.48 per litre. Even for motorway rip-off that is quite outrageous – 12p per litre difference, 60p per gallon. 12 shillings for those of us who still remember OLD money. Needless to say the motorway service station got £10 from me, just enough to get me to another garage... 

If a ‘fauxmance’ with your ‘tweetheart’ sounds anything but ‘simples’, there is no need to hit the ‘panic button’. Reach for the dictionary instead. The new word list for the dictionary is out…'Amazeballs' has been added to the latest edition of the Collins English Dictionary. 86 new words and phrases were added to the dictionary's online version following a public 'wordsearch'. 'Mummy porn' has entered the dictionary on the back of the success of Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, while 'blootered' – a word used for being drunk by the Scottish – has also been added. Other additions include the words 'frenemy' – that’s a person who is both a friend and a rival – 'floordrobe', which is used to define clothes strewn across a floor, and 'tiger mother' – a strict and demanding mother who pushes her child or children to high levels of achievement. The new words and phrases will now be considered as candidates for the next print edition of the Collins English Dictionary. I have heard frenemy, though I really do hate the word, and floordrobe is wonderful. As for "mummy porn"... there are no words for how stupid that is. Can you think of any words that’s should be on the list of new words??

They’ll need some more money to bail them out again soon but, the shocking scale of tax dodging in Greece was laid bare yesterday in a report showing that professionals are among the worst offenders. The study says self-employed Greeks evaded a staggering £22.4billion of tax in 2009 – almost half the size of the country’s deficit in 2008 and a third of the shortfall in 2009. The chief offenders were doctors, engineers, private tutors, accountants, people in financial services and lawyers, according to the report. It came as Greek ministers held talks with the troika of inspectors from the European Commission, the European Central Bank and the International Monetary Fund over its emergency aid. 

First-time buyers expect to save up to the age of 40 before they can buy their first home, a new study has found. The age of the average first-time buyer has rocketed over the past 50 years with high property prices forcing the young to rent or to live with their parents, the report reveals. In the 1960s, the average first-time buyer was aged 24. This rose to 28 in the 1980s but now many young people say they do not expect to be able to buy until they are 35. In some regions the average was even higher, with aspiring buyers in Scotland and the North East saying they will be 40 before they can buy their own home. Those in the East Midlands said they expected to be 39, those in the West Midlands said 29 while in London the average was 33. How old were you when you bought your first house? 

The AA reckons 40% of us admit to illegally using our mobile phones while we’re behind the wheel. 20% admitted to sending a text – 4% of us said we check emails – and a similar number admitted to tweeting behind the wheel...come on people...it’s not only illegal, it’s also VERY dangerous! 

While many of us cling optimistically to the hope that we might yet get our late Indian summer, over at Tesco the focus is firmly on snowier times... They take delivery of their first festive foods today. 103 days before Christmas, thousands of packets of mince pies go on sale to satisfy our sweet teeth. I love mince pies but September? Staggeringly, they say they expect to sell well over a million pies this week alone – up on last year's first-week sales of almost a million...would you buy them now? 

Kids are replacing tired excuses like "The dog ate my homework” with the likes of "My computer crashed”. My friend’s daughter got away with "Computer says no” last week… With more than three-quarters of pupils handing in their work typed on a computer, technology is proving a ripe source of excuses. Other favourites include: "I finished my homework but deleted it by accident”, "The internet was down” or "My printer broke”. Teachers hear an average of 20 excuses a week, a poll found. Among the more bizarre excuses was the boy who said his homework had been confiscated by airport security when he returned from holiday. 

It seems a holiday isn't enough for many of us to get a proper rest. A survey's found 31% of people take an unofficial day off to recover from their break. Men are the main culprits, with 37% admitting to skiving off work for an extra day. The most popular excuse given is a missed or delayed flight. 

Using Facebook is the online equivalent of staring at yourself in the mirror, according to a study. Apparently those of us who spend time updating our profile are more likely to be narcissists. Yeah – I’ll spare you the time of going through your dusty old dictionary... It’s someone with a big ego… This study says Facebook provides an ideal setting for narcissists to monitor their appearance and how many ‘friends’ they have. All because it allows them to thrive on ‘shallow’ relationships while avoiding genuine warmth and empathy… 

ENJOYING a lie-in at the weekend makes you sleepier in the week, claim experts. Contrary to popular belief, it does not make up for lost sleep but actually leaves you feeling dozier come Monday morning. In a study published yesterday, Dr Gregory Carter, a sleep specialist at the University of Texas, said lie-ins disrupt the body’s internal clock. 

Forget football - fashion is now the number one interest for young British men...According to a study in GQ magazine, more blokes would prefer to be a fashion designer than play for England. A quarter of guys said fashion dominates their conversations with friends, not footie. That’s cuz we’re all ashamed of our team not scoring on the field – but having no trouble doing it off the pitch...And a third of guys reckon we wouldn't dream of dating a girl with bad style. Although that hasn’t stopped Katie Price getting married several times has it?! 

A course in 'Zombie Studies' will be launched for students at the University of Worcester soon. But unfortunately for those wanting to learn how to survive the undead apocalypse, the class is actually part of the English curriculum. So, topics discussed will not include whether flame-throwers or shotguns are the preferred method of killing the undead. Doctor Lee James Byrne has told us that students will watch zombie movies and read comics or books featuring the creature, to analyse how literature and mass media work. I don’t think I’ll sign up now...Sounds a bit boring doesn’t it? Course credits will be awarded for the writing of zombie movie scripts rather than essays...And if the course, lessons are scheduled before 2pm... So most of the students will look like zombies already... 

It was another rapid-fire round today on Look Who’s Talking with Louise from Wombwell, Josie in Athersley & Tracy in Goldthorpe, between them they guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a Spider, a Dungeon and a Shed...sadly, none were right so the prizes, now worth over £450, roll on to 8:20 in the morning when we’ll have another rapid-fire trio!

• It’s Auditor’s Day, No News Is Good News Day, National Tricky Handshake Day, Make Your Bed Day, National Neighbourhood Day, National Hot Cross Bun Day, Spanner In The Works Day, New Year’s Day (Ethiopia), Puppy Awareness Week, Gas Safety Week, Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• 11 years ago: The September 11 attacks took place in the United States. Airplane hijackings resulted in the collapse of the World Trade Centre in New York City, destruction of the western portion of The Pentagon, and a passenger airliner crash in Pennsylvania. 

• From today, mobile phone operator Everything Everywhere (T-mobile/Orange) is authorised to deliver 4G services by Ofcom, although the precise timing remains a commercial decision for the company. 

• ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ holds a red carpet launch event at the BBC Television Centre, London. 

• The Man Booker Prize – shortlist announcement 

• ‘The X Factor USA’ starts its new season on American TV tonight – including Britney Spears as a new judge, alongside Cowell. 

• An announcement is expected today at the High Court appeal by the Badger Trust over Government plans to go ahead with autumn cull. The Trust lost their last challenge. 

• TUC conference: Ed Balls speech between 09:30 - 10:30. 

• WORLD CUP BRAZIL 2014 QUALIFIERS – England v Ukraine (8pm), Serbia v Wales (7:30pm), N Ireland v Luxembourg (7:45pm), Scotland v Macedonia (2000) 

• FOOTBALL FRIENDLY – Republic of Ireland v Oman (Fulham FC) 

• Andy Murray has won the US Open – his first Grand Slam – by beating Novak Djokovic in a thrilling match at Flushing Meadows. He's become the first British man to win a Grand Slam in 76 years. 

• It’s one of those days where you remember where you were and what you were doing at the exact time it all happened… It’s that day today, 9/11 – A Commemoration is taking place in New York & Washington – at 8.46am Eastern Time, that’s 1:46pm our time... there will then be a moment of silence… That’s the time the first plane struck North Tower... 

• The Taliban are ‘actively seeking to kidnap Prince Harry’ a spokesperson for the group has said this morning. You see, this is what happens when they go "PRINCE HARRY IS IN AFGHANISTAN EVERYONE!!!!!!" Harry arrived in Helmand province last week to begin his four-month deployment with the 100-strong 662 Squadron, 3 Regiment, Army Air Corps. 

• Olympic medallists Victoria Pendleton and Louis Smith have been confirmed for Strictly Come Dancing this morning. They’re joining Richard Arnold, Kimberley Walsh, Dani Harmer and Nicky Byrne on the show. 

• They were the PRIDE OF BRITAIN Hundreds of thousands of people were lining the streets of London yesterday for one last lap of honour… Tom Daley, Louis Smith, Mo Farah and Ellie Simmonds were just a few of our Olympic and Paralympic athletes at the victory parade yesterday. Watching the display made you realise just how many medals were won by TEAM GB… 

• Last weekend might have seen temperatures around 24C but Gritters were out on the streets of Aberdeen last night, preparing for another turn in our topsy-turvy weather. They reckon it’s going to take a turn for the worse towards the end of the week. It was 22C at Fyvie Castle, in Aberdeenshire on Saturday, but the Met Office are predicting that by next week they could fall to just above freezing at night – with snow in some parts of Scotland! 

• PEOPLE who walk fast… and have a firm handshake, are more likely to live longer, research suggests this morning. Those of us who don’t dawdle are almost three times less likely to die early than those who walk slowly. 

• We now know which part of the UK has the fastest drivers. Five places in Dorset have made it into the UK's top 20 speeding conviction hotspots. Nearly a quarter of motorists in the Sandbanks area of Poole were caught in the last five years. In contrast, St Ives in Cornwall is the most law-abiding place, with less than 6% of drivers caught speeding. 

• The humble roast dinner has topped the poll as Britain’s most nostalgic meal. Runner up was Shepherd’s Pie, with rice pudding, egg and chips and bangers and mash closely following. Angel Delight came sixth, while beef stew and dumplings filled seventh. Toad-in-the-hole came in at eighth while cheese on toast and beans on toast completed the top ten. 

• Nearly 6-million people in Britain could be allergic to their office. Research reveals 95 percent of employees have had breathing difficulties, skin irritations and itchy or watery eyes at work. Over a quarter also claim their symptoms get worse in the workplace. 

Barnsley's Save our NHS campaign is concerned about privatisation to services in our area. They claim to have evidence obtained under the freedom of information act that services are being earmarked for privatisation.  The group is against this claiming it is against the spirit of the NHS. 

South Yorkshire's Sargeant Lee Davidson's become the 427th British soldier to be killed in Afghanistan. The 32 year old died at the weekend when the vehicle in which he was travelling hit a roadside bomb. A memorial book's been opened in Doncaster Minster for people to pay tribute to the father of 3. 

A cyclist's been seriously injured after a road accident. The 49 year old was left with chest and leg injuries after being hit by a van. It happened on Green Lane in Wath Upon Dearne. 

Frontline police in Barnsley now have access to the internet while they're on the move. It's as the force tries to help community officers spend more time on the streets. And from next month they'll be able to manage an incident and manage a crime all from their Blackberrys. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on History... 

What was first introduced to the UK on April 1^st 1973?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... What is the collective name for a group of ferrets?was a Business  

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

FORGET gliding through life serenely, on average we’ll get embarrassed four times a day. Calling someone the wrong name, tripping up in public or getting food stuck in our teeth are the most common humiliating experiences. Top 50 faux pas also include not being noticed by someone you’re waving at, burping accidentally and snorting while laughing...Guys leaving our flies undone, girls tucking their skirts in their knickers and letting our mums kiss us in public are others things that make us go red on the list. The study says we’re most likely to blush at work, but getting embarrassed at home, shopping and down the pub also feature as ‘top settings for a red-face’. Cringe-making stories involving the in-laws are also common. 14% of us say that a relationship ended because something embarrassing happened. The research was done by Ladbrokes, because of their new TV advert – which sees Sky Sports football pundit Chris Kamara embarrassed when his towel is whipped away in the bathroom. I slapped some ladies bottom in the supermarket a few years ago, thinking it was my wife bending over getting apples. I couldn't get out of there fast enough!!! What’s your most embarrassing moment? 

THE MOST COMMON RED FACED MOMENTS 

Forgetting someone’s name when introducing them

Tripping over in public

Getting someone’s name wrong

Getting food stains or splashes on your top

Waving at someone and they don’t see you

Getting food stuck in your teeth

Thinking someone’s waving at you when they are not

Being late

Forgetting where you parked

Burping accidentally

Getting lost

Having sweat patches

Snorting while laughing

Flies/ trouser zip being undone

Swallowing food the wrong way 

I went to Blackpool on a girly weekend ... stopped half way and were drinking ... I was busting for the loo, ran in, dropped my pants ... I didn’t look and the loo lid was down :(...I wet myself and all my mates were laughing at me ......I had to buy some new things when I got there :( ... 

One of my most embarrassing moments was when I was hurrying along the street in the rain; a car pulled up ahead and opened the passenger door and, thinking it was someone I knew, I ran up to it and hopped in – it turned out to be a stranger and he'd really stopped to give a lift to a friend of his who was coming along the street a bit behind me. Oops! 

Thinking someone’s waving at you when they are not ...so you wave back, and then you realise they aren't waving at you. So then you pretend you were trying to get someone's attention who is behind the people who was waving. What a mess. 

I was on fast water slide in Disneyworld and I had a bikini on. The ride was so fast that when I stopped at the bottom I didn't realise my top had come up showing everything, until a group of young lads started clapping and cheering! An absolute nightmare – I was 47 at the time!! 

Snorting while laughing' – omg that's me. Unfortunately snorting when I laugh has a tendency to make me laugh even harder and it becomes a vicious circle. 

I'm regularly forgetting people's names but I'll just be honest and tell them – I have a terrible memory so I'm used to having this happen to me on a regular basis! 

I bumped into someone in New Look once and swiftly turned round and apologised. Only the other person couldn't reply back because they were a mannequin! 

Unexpectedly farting in a super serious deadly quiet yoga class is up there as a number one for me and at a large presentation, I asked if there were any questions, a few hands went up. I said 'guy at the back, in the red check shirt'... Needless to say it was a woman! .... Oops 

I was in the queue in my college canteen saying something rude about one of the tutors only to find he was about three behind me in the queue and had heard everything. This was 30 yrs ago and I still cringe. 

I saw a woman at the bus stop who had left a curler in her hair at the back of her head. The next day she had her skirt tucked into her knickers. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her on either occasion. 

I was at the sports centre when I saw a friend I hadn't seen in ages. I ran up behind her, put my head right next to hers and shouted 'HELLO'. Needless to say it wasn't my friend. I apologised and hurried off. Never been so embarrassed in my life. 

....going to toilet cubicle at work and nodding off. When I woke up the door had swung open as I hadn’t locked it properly. Took a long time to live that one down. 

EastEnders has celebrated a triple success at the TV Choice Awards. The Square won gongs for Best Soap, Best Soap Actor for Shane Richie and Best Newcomer for Tony Discipline. Coronation Street's Michelle Keegan was crowned Best Soap Actress for playing Weatherfield's Tina McIntyre. 

They were the PRIDE OF BRITAIN...Hundreds of thousands of people were lining the streets of London yesterday for one last lap of honour as 21 floats carrying our Olympic and Paralympic heroes were honoured with a Red Arrows fly-past…Tom Daley, Louis Smith, Mo Farah and Ellie Simmonds were just a few of our Olympic and Paralympic athletes at the victory parade yesterday. They were proudly wearing their medals and waving to the crowds on the open-top floats, which weaved through the streets of London crammed full of fans. Other GB heroes, all dressed in the Team GB and ParalympicsGB outfits, were Jessica Ennis, Chris Hoy, Greg Rutherford, Ben Ainslie, Josie Pearson, Richard Whitehead and Zara Philips. Watching the display made you realise just how many medals were won by TEAM GB. The end of London 2012 was marked with a set by The Pet Shop boys, including the new single ‘Winner’ along with ‘Go West’ and ‘West End Girls’. But not before Blue Peter presenter Helen Skelton suffered a wardrobe malfunction on live television the wind blew he dress up and revealed her underwear to the nation. But what a lovely parade and I think the Princess Royal was right – they are all Olympians whether they won medals or not. Britain coming third in the league medal table was – Brilliant! Well done to all of those who took part in both the able-bodied and Paralympics games, it's such a huge a achievement finishing at that position out of so many other countries. What I admire about all these athletes is that they've remained modest, despite their success, which is more than could be said for those egotistical, overpaid footballers, who could all do with taking a leaf out of their book. 

Last weekend might have seen temperatures around 24C but snow gritters were out on the streets of Aberdeen last night ready for another turn in our topsy-turvy weather. They reckon it’s going to take a turn for the worse towards the end of the week. It was 22C at Fyvie Castle, in Aberdeenshire on Saturday, but the Met Office are predicting that by next week they could fall to just above freezing at night – with snow in some parts of Scotland! The Daily Mail says that we’ve now had 6 rubbish summers in a row and they list a load of events that were cancelled due to the weather…But they proudly say that Glastonbury still went ahead…Err – did I miss that DAILY MAIL THERE WASN’T A GLASTONBURY THIS YEAR – DURRRR...And the treasury is saying today that that the dreadful weather has cost the economy at least £1billion this year. Tourism was particularly hit hard, as people cancelled visits to stately homes or planners cancelled country events as the rain came down. But farming took the biggest hit, with the honey business 'nearly cut in half' and an overall loss to agriculture above £600m. They still reckon GALES of up to 80mph will batter us later this week as ‘a perfect storm’ threatens to sweep across the country. Tropical storm Leslie has merged with Hurricane Michael in the Atlantic and is now moving in, having already swept away our lovely Indian Summer. 

He did it at The Olympics at Wimbledon and he’s done it again…Andy Murray is well on his way to becoming the World Number One this morning… He’s won the US Open - his first Grand Slam - by beating Novak Djokovic in a thrilling match at Flushing Meadows. He's become the first British man to win a Grand Slam in 76 years. Andy Murray took the lead by 2 sets to love before Djokovic staged a thrilling comeback. Murray ran out the winner 7-6, 7-5, 2-6, 3-6, 6-2. 

Could there be an end to the flu? A new Oral spray his America today with its makers saying that it 'kills 99.9% of infectious airborne germs'. Halo Oral Antiseptic has been found to be 99.9% effective in killing influenza’s infectious airborne germs. The spray protects us from any germs breathed in for six hours. It goes on sale in The States this morning and not over here at the moment but doctors are saying its on the way over here hopefully before Christmas. I’m surprised they’ve allowed it to be on sale at all, drug companies are making billions from the flu jabs and cough medicines, why would they want to cure it? 

Nearly 6-million of us could be allergic to where we work, a new report this morning is saying. 95% of us have had breathing difficulties, skin irritations and itchy or watery eyes at work. Over a quarter of us also claim our symptoms get worse in the workplace. 

PEOPLE who walk fast… and have a firm handshake, are more likely to live longer, research suggests this morning. Those of us who don’t dawdle are almost three times less likely to die early than those who walk slowly. And those of us with a strong grip are one and a half times more likely to live longer than people with a weak one. That’s a handshake by the way… Researchers reckon that subtle changes to our physical strength as we get older could even indicate how much time we have left. My back’s been killing me for weeks and I have trouble picking up a cup of coffee...I might not be here on Monday... A study published in the British Medical Journal this morning suggests that simple physical tests could help doctors detect patients who are becoming frail long before they become ill or have an accident. 

A new survey says we’re turning our backs on the traditional cuppa in favour of cocoa. While sales of tea and coffee have not moved in the past year, cocoa has shot up by 30% to £106million worth of the brown stuff. Bad weather is thought to have prompted people to reach for something more warm and comforting. 

A film festival dedicated to internet cat videos has attracted more than 10,000 fans who enjoyed watching their favourite kitty videos on the big screen. Launched by Walker Art Gallery in Minneapolis, the event also saw the crowning of "Golden Kitty" an award for the most popular cat-based viral. More than 10,000 votes were placed and the winner was Henri 2, Paw de Deux. 

Apparently, we claim to be a nation of wine buffs…But we regularly embarrass ourselves by making basic mistakes in restaurants. A survey of 3,000 drinkers found three-out-of-ten of us have tried to pass ourselves off as wine connoisseurs, but failed spectacularly. Most common faux pas include mispronunciation of brands or wines and complaining the waiter hasn't poured enough when the intention was for us to taste it first.. Have you ever done that and said ‘Narrrr. Its Orrible’ when the bottle is £30. Try it! Just for a giggle mind you…It’s funny just to see the waiters face! Other excruciating wine errors include complaining about red wine being served warm and swilling the wine around in the glass so fast you spill it over yourself!! 16% of us also admit to buying an expensive bottle just so it looks like we know our wine…Which doesn't work if you ask for a Pea-not Noi-er. 

Walking in the countryside is Britain’s best loved pastime, even beating the likes of Facebook, a study has revealed. Research carried out among 2,000 adults found a country stroll was voted ahead of eating out and reading a book in the garden to claim top spot. Enjoying a pint in the pub came fourth in the poll by WWF-UK, just ahead of cooking and playing computer games. Listening to music came in at 7th place, followed by gardening. Watching football was our ninth favourite thing to do, while a kick-around in the park only landed in at number 26. Watching TV completed the top 10, and perhaps not surprisingly, surfing the net came in at number 11.

Four out of ten women who go on a diet end up heavier than when they started...a 'foot off the gas' approach to weight loss, once a target is reached, coupled with a lack of willpower means many dieters quickly pile weight back on. Partners who buy unhealthy food were also blamed for diets going wrong I always find the 'office feeder' whose desk is crammed with cake and biscuits makes me put on weight...Most women start noticing the pounds creeping back on just 21 days after reaching their ideal weight. So this means diets are scientifically bad for you right? I’ll have another doughnut with my fifth coffee of the day in a minute then...The poll of 2,000 women has found six in ten said they’re on a diet now and one in five women saying they are on a 'continuous diet'. It also found the most common triggers to start dieting was seeing their 'reflection in the mirror', preparing for a summer holiday or unflattering photos posted on Facebook. 

We’re being told Mums and dads are spending an average of £537 each year on gadgets for their kids. The most popular piece of technology is a games console, followed by a mobile phone, and then an MP3 player. 

The most popular gadgets in the country are: 

1.         Games Console            (57%)

2.         Mobile Phone                (51%)

3.         MP3 Player                   (48%)

4.         Laptop                         (36%)

5.         Digital Camera              (35%)

6.         PC                                (24%)

7.         Webcam                      (19%)

8.         Smartphone                 (11%)

9.         Netbook                       (7%)

=10.      e-Reader                      (3%)

=10.      Tablet PC e.g. iPad       (3%) 

It was a Rapid fire round today on Look Who’s Talking with Vicky from Kendray., Steve in Thurnscoe & Norm in Worsborough Dale, between them they guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a Forest, a Cellar and a Coalmine...sadly, none were right so the prizes, now worth over £450, roll on to 8:20 in the morning when we’ll have another rapid fire trio!

• It’s World Suicide Prevention Day, Gibraltar National Day, Hot Dog Day, Scapegoat Day, Swap Ideas Day, Old Timers Day, National Employee/Boss Exchange Day, National Popcorn Day, Puppy Awareness Week, Gas Safety Week, Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• London 2012 – Our Greatest Team parade, 1:30PM. A victory parade through Central London honours the achievements of Team GB in both the Olympic and Paralympic Games. Around 800 athletes are expected to take part. Route begins at Mansion House, travelling along Queen Victoria Street and Cannon Street, past St Paul's Cathedral, continuing along Fleet Street and into The Strand to Trafalgar Square, where spectators can gather to watch the parade on a big screen. Parade then continues through Admiralty Arch into The Mall, ending at the Queen Victoria Memorial. 

• TV Choice Awards – Acknowledges most popular TV programmes and stars. Jo Brand hosts. 

• Bob Dylan – album release – his 35^th studio album, ‘Tempest’. Coincides with the 50th anniversary of his self-titled debut album, released in 1962. 

• CRICKET – 2^nd NatWest International T20 – England v South Africa (Old Trafford Cricket Ground) 

• They reckon STRICTLY legend SIR Brucie is going to skip a show this year. He’s going to take one weekend off midway through the next three-month series to "recuperate”. Not being funny, but surely he can rest Sunday through to Friday? Latest confirmed for the Cha Cha Cha over the weekend is ex Westlife boy, Nicky Byrne. So expect a lot of key changes in his routines and sitting on stools…Denise Van Outen along with Team GB athletes Louis Smith, Victoria Pendleton and Beth Tweddle are also rumoured to be there this weekend. 

• Ginger Spices’ oddball behaviour was back for the X Factor on Saturday. But it wasn’t all about Geri and Gary arguing…. We had the customer services advisor Christopher, who Gary couldn’t believe was so good… And we got our first glimpse of some of the Groups… Times Red provided some entertainment for the girls as the Abercrombie & Fitch boys flashed their abs and did an Amy Winehouse mash-up… 

• Do you ever watch The Jeremy Kyle show and wonder where they find the freaks to go on it… The new Jeremy Kyle "hunks and babes” calendar is out. It looks like they’ve turned a gruesome line-up of our gurning favourites from the show into unlikely pin-ups. The photos show a parade of "stunners” with rotting teeth, twisted noses and flabby faces. 

• Elvis Presley’s bible has sold for £59,000 at auction over the weekend. Also up for grabs were a framed pair of his unwashed pants, which were worn under his famous white suit in 1977, the year he passed away. Bids for the stained white pants reached £5k but the reserve was set at £7k, so they failed to sell. 

• The victory parade through central London kicks off at lunchtime. Around 800 Olympians and Paralympians are taking part. The route starts at Mansion House, along Queen Victoria Street and Cannon Street, past St Paul's Cathedral, along Fleet Street and into The Strand to Trafalgar Square. Then it’s on through Admiralty Arch into The Mall, ending at the Queen Victoria Memorial….. 

• BRITISH spooks from Cheltenham’s GCHQ and Hereford’s SAS have smashed almost 30 plots to attack the Olympics and target star athletes like Mo Farah and Usain Bolt we’re being told this morning. Apparently suspects were rounded up across Europe and the Middle East after plans to hit the Olympics were intercepted. Our ‘Spies’ picked up "chatter” that they were planning a plane hijack and that Usain Bolt and Mo Farah were at the top of their most wanted list...Victoria Pendleton and Jessica Ennis were also on the list of targets. 

• The Queen's corgi which appeared with her in James Bond Olympics Opening Ceremony has died aged 13. Monty was watched by millions in his performance as part of the James Bond scene in the Olympics opening ceremony film 

• They reckon it was the last HURRAH of summer over the weekend as temperatures topped 84F (29C). Beaches on the South Coast were busier than during the school holidays on the warmest September day in six years. Forecasters are putting a dampener on any more sunshine for us today though; saying Autumnal mists are going to start rolling in this week in the mornings. They reckon summer is now over with storms on the way… 

• Apple have told us the NEW iPhone is just 2 days away… And a new survey this morning from them says 20% of us want one – and 67% of current iPhone users want to upgrade as soon as the new phone is out… Or to put it another way, 80% of us aren’t interested 

Last night's Paralympic closing ceremony had a little piece of Barnsley in it. Barugh Green Based Cutting Technologies supplied the two thousand laser cut pieces that were used in the Fish-themed light design. 

It's claimed over 90% of gas works investigated in the last year fell short of safety standards – with one in five an immediate risk. Gas Safe Register says around 3.5 million of us have let friends install or look after gas appliances in our homes – sometimes with terrible consequences. We hear from Yorkshire Mum Stacey Rodgers. 

The Yorkshire and the Humber Underwater Search & Marine Unit is launched today with a demonstration dive taking place to mark the occasion. The unit is made up of a dedicated team of one police sergeant and nine specially trained police officers who will deliver the service on a full time basis to all four police forces of Yorkshire and the Humber. We’ll be there to see the dive take place. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on English... 

What is the collective name for a group of ferrets?  

The answer to Friday’s question... What is another name for vitamin B2?was Riboflavin  

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

5 THINGS WE DIDN'T KNOW THIS TIME LAST WEEK 

1.         A third of pet owners admit to allowing their pets to snuggle up with them at night.

2.         The cost of raising a pre-secondary school child has risen to more than £90,000.

3.         Half of men rely on the women in their life to pick out their outfits for them for the next day.

4.         Lager is drunk much more slowly from a straight-sided glass than from a curved one.

5.         Mars says it doesn't endorse the sale of the deep-fried Mars bar in Scotland 

Do you ever watch The Jeremy Kyle show and wonder where they find the freaks to go on it...The new Jeremy Kyle "hunks and babes” calendar is out. And fans of the Telly chav fest can now share a date with their heroes all year round. It looks like they’ve turned a gruesome line-up of our gurning favourites from the show into unlikely pin-ups. The photos show a parade of "stunners” with rotting teeth, twisted noses and flabby faces. One "sexy” girl has a fully-tattooed face with what looks like wooden pegs for teeth..."Jeremy Kyle babez calendar 2013” promises "the hottest pieces of filth from The Jeremy Kyle Show”...I’ve got a copy of the calendar here…If you put all the pictures together, do you know what you get? A full set of teeth! 

CANCEL the insurance renewal and don’t make any holiday plans. As for Christmas shopping, forget it. You won’t be needing any of it come December because – hang on to your shorts – that’s when THE WORLD WILL END SO WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE! Or at least the world and the way we live in it is going to change very radically. That is the prognosis according to the ancient Mayans and er... Ken Barlow off Coronation Street. Bill Roache, the actor who plays him, reckons that on December 12, 2012, the world will move into "a higher vibration” and enter a new, better era. He’s come up with all this nonsense in the latest issue of Silent Voices ("the spiritual, paranormal, metaphysical magazine,” since you ask). Bill’s long-standing interest in matters spiritual is well-known, for years the story persisted that he was a Druid priest until he was forced to deny it, pointing out that he does not follow any formal religion or belief system. But in his latest pronouncements on the future of mankind he is far from a lone voice in the wilderness. He is part of a global movement known as the 2012 Phenomenon who believe the world will end at the winter solstice on December 21. 

That’s our summer of sport over…it was the Closing ceremony of the Paralympics last night…and the victory parade through central London kicks off at lunchtime. A new survey reckons we’re going to keep the Olympics alive. Apparently we’re going to start naming our kids after this summer’s top athletes...findmypast.co.uk say the legacy of past Olympic and Paralympic heroes can be traced through time. They say "our past Olympians achievements live on” in the names we’ve given our kids over the last 100 years. Their archives show we’ll now get a spike in us naming kids after medal-winning Olympians. So expect a load of Usains, Jessica’s, Mo’s, Ellie’s and Bradley’s crawling round… 

Did you enjoy it while you could? They reckon it was the last HURRAH of summer over the weekend as temperatures topped 84F (29C). Beaches on the South Coast were busier than during the school holidays on the warmest September day in six years. Brighton was packed with 200,000 visitors and all hotel beds were fully booked. In Bournemouth, hotels were also full. After the start of the illuminations, Blackpool was enjoying its busiest week, playing host to 150,000 revellers. Forecasters are putting a dampener on any more sunshine for us today saying Autumnal mists are going to start rolling in this week in the mornings They reckon summer is now over with storms on the way Saturday it was 27c (81f) and 28c (82f) yesterday in some parts, but temperatures will fall back to normal levels today. The wettest period this week will be on Thursday or Friday when there may be some fairly hefty storms when GALES of up to 80mph will batter us all. Tropical storm Leslie will meet Hurricane Michael in the Atlantic in a couple of days and sweep away our Indian summer. Yesterday was the hottest September day in Britain for six years, peaking at 85F (29C), warmer than Mexico City and parts of Greece.

 THE Voyager 1 spacecraft leaves our solar system in the next 24 hours — and heads out into infinity and beyond. The unmanned vessel, that was launched 35 years ago to explore space, is this morning about 11.2 billion miles from us. It’s going to carry on wandering the galaxies for billions of years – unless it hits something and disintegrates…Or is intercepted by aliens. Once Voyager leaves our solar system it’ll have to cover an immense distance before it comes anywhere near another planet. In about 40,000 years it should be within 9.3 trillion miles of a star known as AC+79 3888. I GREW up with the Voyager spacecraft. I watched them launch and saw them visit Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus. THE Voyagers’ gold disc includes a map showing where Earth is. It also has 27 sounds including recordings of Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry, humpback whales, Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony and bagpipes from Azerbaijan. There are greetings in 55 languages, some extinct, and a record of the electrical activity of a human brain. 

GOOD news if you struggle to get out of bed in the morning…You can now get an alarm clock that’s as loud as a road drill in the new Argos Catalogue…So you can not only wake yourself up, but the whole street… The Amplicom alarm clock went on sale over the weekend and booms out 90 decibels of noise rising to an ear-shattering 121 decibels. That makes it noisier than a car horn, a rock concert or Niagara Falls. It’s designed to appeal to the millions of OAPs who sleep through ordinary alarms. But the clock has found new fans among parents struggling to wake the kids up for school – and students who oversleep and miss lectures. I struggle to wake up but there is no chance of sleeping through this – it’s like having a pneumatic drill next to your bed. 

Eating BLUEBERRIES can bring about a drug-like state of euphoria, experts are claiming. Scientists say certain foods boost our brain power and can help us to tackle depression. Blueberries, cocoa and green vegetables contain micro - nutrients which alter brain function and make us feel happy. Scientists also found that kids who eat a lot of fish are better at spelling. 

If you're a man who's ever fancied a power-nap at work, an American inventor may have come up with the accessory of your dreams. The Pillow Tie – which goes on sale here soon – it contains a secret cushion which can be inflated with one breath, allowing you to have a snooze at your desk. It deflates within seconds, in case the boss goes past - and the makers say the soft fabric won't leave tell-tale creases on your face! 

Today should be renamed "MoanDay”. We grumble more on a Monday than on any other day of the week. A study has discovered that more than half of us will whinge constantly today. And around 1 in 4 of us will be plagued by that "Monday feeling” all day. One in 5 of us feel below par all day due to food, or too much booze at the weekend, while others will be in a bad mood due to hefty workloads. In fact one in three of us dread Monday more than any other day of the week. On average we moan for around 34 minutes on a Monday morning, compared to just 22 minutes the rest of the week. Complaints include contending with a slow computer, getting stuck in traffic on the way to work and the feeling that you’d rather be back at home in bed….. 

Lewis from Wath had a go at Look Who’s Talking, he guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a Haunted House...it wasn’t right so the prizes, now worth over £450, roll on to 8:20 in the morning!

• It’s the California Prune Festival, Death Day (US), Neither Snow Nor Rain Day, National Napoleon Day, Independence Day (Brazil), Scottish Animal Week, Migraine Awareness Week, Fibromyalgia Awareness Week, National Payroll Week, National Wine Week, Small Business Advice Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• London 2012 Paralympic Games – Day 10; goalball and sitting volleyball. Medals awarded today in: athletics, road cycling, goalball, swimming, table tennis, sitting volleyball, wheelchair basketball, wheelchair fencing, and wheelchair tennis. Qualifying highlights include men's 7-a-side football. 

• Three Peaks Challenge starts – Volunteers attempt to climb the three highest peaks in the UK, Snowdonia, Ben Nevis and Scafell Pike, in under 24 hours, in aid of Breast Cancer Campaign. 

• The World Fireworks Championships begin opposite Blackpool Tower today 

• Mercedes-Benz New York Fashion Week continues – One of the four main international fashion showcases. London, Milan and Paris follow. 

• ‘Bestival’ continues on the Isle of Wight – featuring acts like Emeli Sandé, Sister Sledge, Gary Numan, Rizzle Kicks, Florence and the Machine, Kate Nash, James McCartney, etc 

• TENNIS – US Open continues in New York 

• F1 – Practice ahead of Italian Grand Prix 

• FOOTBALL – 2014 FIFA World Cup™ Qualifiers: Moldova v England, Kazakhstan v Republic of Ireland, Russia v Northern Ireland, Wales v Belgium 

• Children increasingly regard reading as not ‘cool’ and nearly a fifth would be embarrassed to be seen with a book by friends. 

• Contact lens wearers are at the mercy of a bug that is found in tap water and gnaws through the eyeballs causing blindness, scientists have warned. 

• Spoof disaster movie Airplane is the funniest film ever – generating three laughs a minute on average, according to new research. 

• New research says we're paying almost £8 billion a year to park our cars. Prices soared by 12 and a half percent last year, according to a study by Confused.com. 

• England cricketer Andrew Flintoff has announced his intention to become a professional boxer and make his debut in Manchester. 

• The success of BBC2's "Great British Bake-Off" has sent demand for baking ingredients soaring, with supermarkets seeing a 20% rise in sales 

Barnsley residents are being asked to give their views on which Council services matter to them. It's part of Barnsley Council's Big Conversation with the council seeking public opinion on their budget choices. 

The Dearne FM area has missed out on £83 million worth of cash since 1995. That's according to a report which shows how the Borough, along with Rotherham and Doncaster, has not received as much lottery funding as other, wealthier, towns and cities. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on Science... 

What is another name for vitamin B2?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... Which is the only country to host the summer Olympics and not win a single gold medal? was Canada (Montreal in 1976)  

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

Children increasingly regard reading as not ‘cool’ and nearly a fifth would be embarrassed to be seen with a book by friends, a survey warns today. Reading is 'in decline' due to other pressures on children’s time such as the internet, video games and television, according to the National Literacy Trust. Only 33.5 per cent of youngsters agreed that reading was 'cool', with the figure falling to 14 per cent among boys aged 14 to 16. Some 17 per cent admitted they would be 'embarrassed if my friends saw me read'. Children are reading fewer books, comics, magazines and even websites than seven years ago, prompting the charity to warn of a 'worrying shift' in reading habits. It said it was 'essential' for children to make time to read because pupils who read outside of lessons do better  in exams. 

Contact lens wearers are at the mercy of a bug that is found in tap water and gnaws through the eyeballs causing blindness, scientists have warned. With the Acanthamoeba parasite also found in dust, in the sea and in showers and swimming pools, millions of people are at risk worldwide, including Britain's 3.7million contact lens users. The actual number of infections is small but treatment is long, painful and not completely effective, meaning some Britons are left blind every year. Fiona Henriquez, of the University of the West of Scotland, said: 'It is a potential problem for every single contact lens wearer.'  Professor Craig Roberts, of the Strathclyde University, who is working with Dr Henriquez to produce better contact lens cleaning solutions, said: 'It's absolutely everywhere.' The British Science Festival in Aberdeen heard that Acanthamoeba, a tiny single-celled parasite, feeds on bacteria found on dirty contact lenses and cases. Symptoms of include itchy and watery eyes, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, swelling of the upper eyelid and extreme pain. 

Spoof disaster movie Airplane is the funniest film ever – generating three laughs a minute on average, according to new research. The movie starring Leslie Neilsen – which features classic one liners such as ‘I am serious....and don’t call me Shirley’ – came out top in research conducted by a panel of members of movie subscription service Lovefilm. They calculated the precise number of ‘laughs a minute’ for the top 10 comedies chosen by Lovefilm members. The panel recorded the total number of times each film generated a laugh, before dividing it by the films’ total length in minutes to calculate the precise ‘laugh a minute’ rating for each movie. With a ‘laugh a minute’ score of three, Airplane beat nine rival comedies to top the list which has been created to mark The Hangover becoming available to stream on Lovefilm Instant.  The Las Vegas man-movie featuring the bachelor party to end all bachelor parties marked its arrival onto the Lovefilm Instant service by scoring a ‘Laugh A Minute’ rating of 2.4.The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad completed the top three with a ‘laugh a minute’ score of 2.3.  Foul-mouthed Superbad managed a ‘laugh a minute’ score of 1.9, followed closely by the outrageous and least politically correct movie ever made, Borat, with 1.7. Modern classic Anchorman reported in at sixth place. This battle of the sexes in a newsroom has spawned a whole range of one liners and manages to make audiences laugh 1.6 times per minute on average. Helen Cowley, editor of Lovefilm, said: 'After many heated debates about whether The Hangover really is the funniest movie ever, we asked our members to vote for the 10 movies that make them laugh the most, and then conducted our own research into how many times those included in this list made us giggle. 'Interestingly, while Lovefilm members voted Life of Brian as the funniest film, our research shows that for laughs a minute the hilarious aircraft-based satire of Airplane beats the Monty Python epic hands-down.' 

TOP TEN FUNNIEST FILMS 

1.         Airplane                        - 3 Laughs A Minute

2.         The Hangover                - 2.4 Laughs A Minute

3.         The Naked Gun             - 2.3 Laughs A Minute

4.         Superbad                      - 1.9 Laughs A Minute

5.         Borat                            - 1.7 Laughs A Minute

6.         Anchorman                   - 1.6 Laughs A Minute

7.         American Pie                - 1.5 Laughs A Minute

8.         Bridesmaids                  - 1.4 Laughs A Minute

9.         Shaun of the Dead         - 1.3 Laughs A Minute

10        Life of Brian                   - 1.2 Laughs A Minute 

New research says we're paying almost £8 billion a year to park our cars. Prices soared by 12.5% last year, according to a study by Confused.com. 

BAKE… The success of BBC2's "Great British Bake-Off" has sent demand for baking ingredients soaring, with supermarkets seeing a 20% rise in sales… 

FISH… Research shows that eating oily fish like salmon or mackerel 3 times a week could protect the muscles from deterioration in old age… 

FREDDIE… Former England cricketer Andrew Flintoff has announced his intention to become a professional boxer and make his debut in Manchester… 

Russell Brand promised fans his relationship with GERI HALLIWELL will provide him with some ''good material''. 

BRITNEY SPEARS struggled to contain her nerves on the first day of filming the U.S. version of The X Factor and suffered "panic attack after panic attack''. 

NE-YO is obsessed with CARLY RAE JEPSEN's 'Call Me Maybe'. The US rapper loves to sing the catchy hit while driving his car. 

Josie from Worsbrough Common had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a Ghost Train...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 on Monday morning!

• It’s Fashion's Night Out (Department stores, flagship fashion stores, boutiques and high street chains offer shoppers one-off events and discounts, personal appearances, extended shopping hours and 'visual excitement' to "inspire”!), Read A Book Day, National Do It Day, Piano Player Day, National Coffee Ice Cream Day, National Iguana Awareness Day, Unification Day (Bulgaria), Independence Day (Swaziland), Defence Day (Pakistan), Scottish Animal Week, Migraine Awareness Week, Fibromyalgia Awareness Week, National Payroll Week, National Wine Week, Small Business Advice Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• London 2012 Paralympic Games – Day 9; athletics and cycling. Medals awarded today in: athletics, road cycling, sailing, shooting, swimming, and wheelchair fencing. Qualifying highlights include men's football 5-a-side and wheelchair tennis. 

• The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme pilot, better known as ‘Clare's Law’, starts in Greater Manchester. It allows the police to act in the best interests of people they believe could be at risk of violence by sharing information of a partners' violent past. 

• Theresa May gives evidence to the Home Affairs committee on Olympics security following G4's inability to fulfill its 2012 commitments. 

• Airbus is today unveiling its vision of the future of flight, which includes gliding planes in to land and aircraft flying in formation like geese to save fuel. 

• Land Rover hosts its global reveal of the all-new Range Rover. Guests include Victoria Pendleton, Zara Phillips and Mary McCartney. 

•  ‘Bestival’ starts on the Isle of Wight – features acts like Emeli Sandé, Sister Sledge, Gary Numan, Rizzle Kicks, Florence and the Machine, Kate Nash, James McCartney, etc 

• Mercedes-Benz New York Fashion Week starts – One of the four main international fashion showcases. London, Milan and Paris follow. 

• TENNIS – US Open continues in New York 

• Petrol prices are to be investigated by the Office of Fair Trading, it emerged yesterday. The watchdog will examine whether falls in the cost of crude oil are passed on to customers or simply siphoned off beforehand. 

• Supermarkets are confusing shoppers and pocketing extra profits at their expense by labelling the price of products poorly, it is claimed today. 

• A single cup of coffee at breakfast time could help millions of workers avoid pain triggered by spending hours at a computer according to new research. 

• If you are piling on the pounds, don't buy bigger clothes...get a new dining companion. Eating with someone who always goes for the unhealthy option makes you more likely to give in to temptation as well. 

• Motorists stuck in traffic on the busy streets surrounding the Democratic Convention were treated to a little light relief – by a dancing traffic cop. 

• Research has found that many women are turning up in trendy sports gear when doing the school run, even though they have no intention of actually setting foot in a gym… 

• According to a worldwide survey by credit card company Visa, the "tooth fairy" gave $3 per tooth on average to children this year, up 15 percent from last year. That’s about £2. 

Friends and family of a Darton soldier are raising money in his memory, Matthew Thornton died in an explosion in Afghanistan last November. His father will be joined by his colleagues on a 74 mile walk around the Borough – they are aiming to raise £100,000 for Help for Heroes. His dad Mick says they want to support the troops coming home... 

Nurses at Leeds General Infirmary say they won't move when the Children's heart surgery unit closes, a survey has found that 98% aren't prepared to move. The centre will close following a review and families will then have travel to Newcastle, Liverpool and Birmingham. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on PE... 

Which is the only country to host the summer Olympics and not win a single gold medal?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... St Paul's is a suburb of which UK city?was Bristol  

Headline Makers with the Barnsley Chronicle... 

How would you like to see your words printed in Friday’s Barnsley Chronicle? That’s the reward for coming up with the best headline for this week’s story on Headline Makers. The current score is Dearne FM Listeners 13 Barnsley Chronicle 13...can we get back to winning ways this week? We are looking for your suggestions of a headline for this story... A FORMER convent in Barnsley which goes up for auction this month has had 'considerable interest', according to auctioneer Wilbys. The Convent of Mercy, on Princess Street, is a stone built house and adjoining brick chapel with seven bedrooms and four reception rooms. It was home to an order of nuns who first came to Barnsley 112 years ago, at the request of Holy Rood parish priest Canon John Hill, to help with education in the parish school. The nuns moved out in August after the Sisters of Mercy religious order decided it should close due to a lack of vocation to the order, and the age of the three sisters who remained. Chronicle editor Andrew Harrod reckons the headline should be: "Convent auction to be Nun-away success”... But can you do better?? It was a win for The Chronicle this week so the scores are now 13 - 13! 

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

Petrol prices are to be investigated by the Office of Fair Trading, it emerged yesterday. The watchdog will examine whether falls in the cost of crude oil are passed on to customers or simply siphoned off beforehand. Critics stress that prices at the pumps are quick to rise when the price of crude oil goes up, but the cost to motorists is slow to fall when crude becomes cheaper. The OFT will collect evidence from the fuel industry, motoring groups and consumer bodies – and admits the market could be 'susceptible to manipulation  or distortion'. Those under scrutiny include major petrol firms and the big four supermarkets (Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury's and Morrisons) as well as City speculators. Between June 2007 and June of this year – a period that saw considerable volatility at the pumps – the price of petrol rose by 38% while diesel rose by 45%. 

Supermarkets are confusing shoppers and pocketing extra profits at their expense by labelling the price of products poorly, it is claimed today. Stores routinely sell fresh fruit and vegetables in standard packs for a fixed price without providing a clear price comparison with the same items sold loose. This makes it difficult to make a quick assessment of value for money. Consumer champions Which? are calling for a change in the law that would require retailers to provide clear unit prices, including shelf labels in large print against a clear background, showing a price based on a standard formula such as pence per item. Yesterday, supermarket giant Morrisons broke ranks with its rivals to announce it is backing the campaign with a shift to clearer price labels. The greatest confusion occurs around fruit and vegetables sold loose or in packs, but Which? said it extends to many products sold in cans, jars and bottles. A Which? survey found three in four people feel that supermarkets are trying to mislead them on prices. The group has launched the Price it Right campaign to put an end to hard to read and inconsistent unit prices. In theory, stores are currently required to include unit prices on shelf labels. However Which? conducted spot checks at the top ten supermarkets and found none met the best practice criteria for size and legibility of unit pricing, with labels often too small to read. 

A single cup of coffee at breakfast time could help millions of workers avoid pain triggered by spending hours at a computer, new research shows. Scientists found volunteers who undertook 90-minutes of intensive screen-based work without a break suffered fewer aches and pains in their neck, shoulders, arms and wrists if they downed a coffee before getting to the office. The findings, by a team of Norwegian researchers from the University of Oslo, suggest even small doses of caffeine can have a powerful pain-relieving effect. The stimulant is already added to some pain-killing medicines, such as aspirin and paracetemol, because it is thought to boost their analgesic qualities. Research suggests caffeine stimulates certain receptors in the body that are responsible for blocking the effects of pain. Around 70 million cups of coffee are consumed every day in the UK. The popular beverage has been shown to protect against liver cancer, Alzheimer’s disease and even strokes. But there have been few studies exploring its pain-busting properties. 

Motorists stuck in traffic on the busy streets surrounding the Democratic Convention were treated to a little light relief – by a dancing traffic cop. The officer – a member of the armed Swat team – had been drafted in as a temporary traffic marshal during the three day event in Charlotte, North Carolina. But instead of getting down in the dumps about his temporary demotion, he decided to entertain frustrated motorists with some moves more likely seen on a nightclub dance floor. Several of his colleagues also entertained the crowds with their dance moves at other busy junctions. Traffic has been congested in Charlotte since the start of the convention on Tuesday. 

PETS… Figures show that a third of pet owners admit to allowing their pets to snuggle up with them at night… 

FOOD… Shoppers have been warned to expect more food price rises because food price inflation is running at double the national average… 

SPORTS… Research has found that many women are turning up in trendy sports gear when doing the school run, even though they have no intention of actually setting foot in a gym… 

WOMEN… According to a new survey, almost half of young women are delaying starting a family because they don't want to give up their freedom… 

TOOTH FAIRY… According to a worldwide survey by credit card company Visa, the "tooth fairy" gave $3 per tooth on average to children this year, up 15 percent from last year. That’s about £2. 

LOUIS… One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has admitted that he likes girls who play hard to get… 

MIX… Little Mix's Perrie Edwards has said that she 'completely trusts' boyfriend Zayn Malik and thinks he won't cheat on her… 

ONE DIRECTION are to become the new faces of Pepsi. 

ROBBIE WILLIAMS is scared about becoming a father. The 'Angels' singer's wife Ayda Field is due to give birth to their first child, a girl, next month. 

SARAH HARDING has a new boyfriend. The GIRLS ALOUD singer is reportedly dating DJ MARK ONE. 

Julie from Kendray had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a cemetery...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 in the morning!

• It’s International Bacon Day, National Be Late For Something Day, National Cheese Pizza Day, Jeûne Genevois (Geneva Thanksgiving) (Switzerland), National Day (Western Samoa), Regatta Day (Malta), Scottish Animal Week, Migraine Awareness Week, Fibromyalgia Awareness Week, National Payroll Week, National Wine Week, Small Business Advice Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• More kids go back to school today in England and Wales 

• London 2012 Paralympic Games - day eight; archery and swimming. Medals awarded today in: archery, athletics, road cycling, powerlifting, shooting, swimming, wheelchair fencing and wheelchair tennis. Qualifying highlights: football 7-a-side and goalball. 

• The Government re-shuffle continues with more announcements of junior ministers. 

• Campaigners hand their petition to the Department for Education, accusing the Education Secretary of having 'quietly relaxed the rules protecting school playing fields' in order for them to be 'sold off to developers'. The petition has attracted over 120,000 signatures. 

• Nokia and Microsoft are expected to launch a new Smartphone today, running on the new Windows Phone 8 operating system. 

• NFL season starts - America's National Football League begins. Opening game sees defending Super Bowl champions the New York Giants host the Dallas Cowboys. 

• The ‘Progressive Rock Awards’ take place at Kew Gardens, Surrey 

• CRICKET – England v South Africa – 5^th NatWest Series ODI 

• TENNIS – US Open continues in New York 

• Growing numbers of people are losing patience with voice-mail and would rather send a text message than leave or listen to their messages. 

• LADY GAGA has cut back on her drinking. The 'Marry the Night' singer has previously professed a love of drinking whiskey. 

• Research published today finds that it is possible for people to be obese while still being healthy and physically fit, and at no greater risk of developing or dying from cardiovascular disease or cancer. 

• If you are piling on the pounds, don't buy bigger clothes...get a new dining companion. Eating with someone who always goes for the unhealthy option makes you more likely to give in to temptation as well. 

• An American casino has claimed a new world record for the biggest ever burger. The mammoth bacon cheeseburger is heavier than a Smart car, which weighs in at about 1,600 pounds, or 730kg. 

• Koalas are not known for their swimming skills – but one made a splash with a group of Australian canoeists by hitching a ride with them. 

• Russell Brand's 13-day relationship with Geri Halliwell has reportedly "petered out" after she took him house hunting in Devon… 

People in Barnsley are being told to find out about changes to welfare reform.  From April next year there are many changes to the benefits system and the Welfare Rights Team will explain more about the changes and how they may affect you. 

Barnsley East MP Michael Dugher says he's worried about the future of the NHS under Jeremy Hunt. The former culture secretary was given the promotion in the cabinet reshuffle yesterday. The shadow minister without portfolio has told Dearne FM that he thinks he stands up for the wrong people. 

Detectives are still questioning a man over a murder in Mexborough. Christopher Rooney was discovered at a house on Auckland Road on Sunday; he'd suffered numerous injuries to his head and body. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on Geography... 

St Paul's is a suburb of which UK city?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... Which British athlete broke three world records in six weeks during the 1970s? was Sebastian Coe  

Headline Makers with the Barnsley Chronicle... 

How would you like to see your words printed in Friday’s Barnsley Chronicle? That’s the reward for coming up with the best headline for this week’s story on Headline Makers. The current score is Dearne FM Listeners 13 Barnsley Chronicle 12...can we get back to winning ways this week? We are looking for your suggestions of a headline for this story... A FORMER convent in Barnsley which goes up for auction this month has had 'considerable interest', according to auctioneer Wilbys. The Convent of Mercy, on Princess Street, is a stone built house and adjoining brick chapel with seven bedrooms and four reception rooms. It was home to an order of nuns who first came to Barnsley 112 years ago, at the request of Holy Rood parish priest Canon John Hill, to help with education in the parish school. The nuns moved out in August after the Sisters of Mercy religious order decided it should close due to a lack of vocation to the order, and the age of the three sisters who remained. Chronicle editor Andrew Harrod reckons the headline should be: "Convent auction to be Nun-away success”... But can you do better?? You have until 8am on Thursday morning to let us have your headline by phone, text or on our Facebook wall!  

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie – but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

Good news – Research published today finds that it is possible for people to be obese while still being healthy and physically fit, and at no greater risk of developing or dying from cardiovascular disease or cancer. And don’t get me started on the BMI thing, that’s sooo outdated…. 

If you are piling on the pounds, don't buy bigger clothes...get a new dining companion. Eating with someone who always goes for the unhealthy option makes you more likely to give in to temptation as well, a study has found. Meanwhile a friend or partner who always turns down the chips and opts for a healthy salad can encourage you to follow suit. Psychologists at the University of Birmingham monitored 100 women at a lunch buffet and found they were significantly influenced by the food choices of those around them. They were asked to choose what they wanted to eat, while without their knowledge, another person at their side was instructed to go for either all the high calorie, or low calorie options. With someone who helped themselves to the fattening array of cocktail sausages, pasties and crisps, while avoiding vegetables, the women tended to as well. However either on their own or with someone who tucked into carrot sticks, tomatoes and rice cakes, they also went for the healthy option and consumed 200 fewer calories than the other group. 

LADY GAGA has cut back on her drinking. The 'Marry the Night' singer has previously professed a love of drinking whiskey.  

An American casino has claimed a new world record for the biggest ever burger. The mammoth bacon cheeseburger was cooked up and served by the Black Bear Casino Resort near Carlton in Minnesota. It is 10 feet (three metres) in diameter and weighs 2,014 pounds (914kg or 143 stone). Guinness World Records representative Philip Robertson was there to verify the record for the biggest ever burger. He called the feat a result of "remarkable teamwork" and said the burger "actually tastes really good". The burger is heavier than a Smart car, which weighs in at about 1,600 pounds, or 730kg. A Duluth News Tribune report says the previous mark was a mere 881 pounds (400kg). Black Bear's burger included 60 pounds (27kg) of bacon, 50 pounds (23kg) of lettuce, 50 pounds (23kg) of sliced onions, 40 pounds (18kg) of pickles and 40 pounds (18kg) of cheese. It took about four hours to cook the patty. A crane was used to flip it. 

Koalas are not known for their swimming skills – but one made a splash with a group of Australian canoeists by hitching a ride with them. Amateur video shows the animal swimming toward the group in the Tallebudgera Creek on the Gold Coast and being lifted into the canoe. The marsupial sleeps for up to 16 hours a day and sightings of them swimming are extremely rare. They are also known to drown if they fall in when drinking from swimming pools and are unable to climb out. Experts say it is possible the koala felt trapped on the bank of the tidal creek and decided the canoe was its best available escape route. Local media said the stunned canoeists put the animal on an embankment at a local golf club where koalas were known to populate the gum trees. 

After a sodden summer of washed out weekends and rained-on barbeques, many have given up any hopes of some pleasant weather. But, at last, it looks like September could bring a much needed glimpse of sunshine and some warm weather to the UK. The Met Office has predicted a string of sunny days across the UK that should last until Sunday which will come as a huge relief to many - even if it does mean most children won't get to enjoy it as they are back to school. A spokesman for the Met Office, said: 'London has woken up with very nice weather and most of the UK is seeing lots of sunshine. 'It should stay dry, it looks as if this weather will last until Friday, and should last into Saturday too, I'd say. 'There is a very weak band of cloud travelling south east, so it might get a little colder this evening, but it should not last.' People have leaped at the chance to catch some rays of sunshine, with office workers basking in the heat and many making sure they head outside in their lunch break to make the most of the warm weather. 

Growing numbers of people are losing patience with voice-mail and would rather send a text message than leave or listen to their messages. Voice-mail once helped revolutionize how people communicate, but is now the latest victim of technology's ceaseless pursuit of efficiency as instant chat services grow in popularity. According to internet phone company Vonage, the number of voice-mail messages left on user accounts was down 8% in July from a year ago. Checking one's voice-mail seems to be an even a bigger chore as retrieved messages fell 14% among Vonage users over the same period. "They hate the whole voice-mail introduction, prompts, having to listen to them in chronological order," said Michael Tempora, senior vice president of product management at Vonage. He told USA TODAY that one response by the company to this trend is a new voice-mail transcription service that converts voice messages for delivery as e-mail or text. The service also e-mails a direct link to the voice-mail audio file, letting users bypass several steps to listen to it. "Voice transcription isn't perfect," said Tempora. "But they understand who called and what the message is about." 

SHOPS… A survey's found that shops shifted less stuff in August as the popularity of the Olympics hit the retail sector… 

VACANT… The number of vacant shops blighting the UK's high streets and shopping centres has continued to rise… 

NAVY… Hundreds of members of the Royal Navy face having to make repayments after a big wages blunder… 

WILLIS… Bruce Willis' wife has denied the Die Hard actor is taking Apple to court so he can leave the tunes he has downloaded onto his iPods to his daughters after his death… 

BRAND… Russell Brand's 13-day relationship with Geri Halliwell has reportedly "petered out" after she took him house hunting in Devon… 

Ann from Town had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about the shaft at the Mining Museum...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 in the morning, when we’ll expand the clue!

• It’s Civil Servant’s Day (Venezuela), Luxembourg City Kermesse, Glass Day, Newspaper Carrier Day, Coal Miner’s Day, Scottish Animal Week, Migraine Awareness Week, Fibromyalgia Awareness Week,   National Payroll Week, National Wine Week, Small Business Advice Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• The new school year begins – England and Wales. Many children return to school today. 

• London 2012 Paralympic Games – Day 7; athletics and swimming. Medals awarded today in: archery; athletics; boccia; equestrian; powerlifting; shooting; swimming; and wheelchair fencing. Qualifying highlights: football 5-a-side; wheelchair basketball; and wheelchair tennis. 

• ‘Anna Karenina’ - UK film premiere. Odeon Leicester Square. Stars Keira Knightley and Jude Law – and is the film adaptation of Leo Tolstoy's famous novel. 

• ‘GQ Men Of The Year Awards’ – Men's magazine's annual awards. Raises funds for Help for Heroes charity. 

• ‘No Easy Day’ is released in the USA. The controversial firsthand account of the mission to kill Osama bin Laden is released, a week earlier than scheduled due to demand. The author, a former member of the U.S. Navy's SEAL Team Six, writes under the pseudonym Mark Owen. The book's publication has reportedly left White House officials furious. 

• University of Manchester scientists today unveil a 'magic carpet' which can immediately detect when someone has fallen to help to predict mobility problems. 

• Ellen DeGeneres has her star unveiled on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame today. 

• CHERYL COLE decided to write an autobiography after growing tired of hearing untrue tales about herself.! 

• The sexes see colours differently. Research has shown that male and female brains process colours in slightly different ways. 

• If you want to get someone to do what you want, try asking them first if they’d mind babysitting your pet elephant! 

• It comes at a premium price, but it seems organic food may not be worth shelling out for. Researchers claim it is no more nutritious than food grown using pesticides and chemicals – and won’t benefit your health. 

• The government is going ahead with its plan to ban retailers from imposing excessive or surprise charges on people who pay by debit or credit card. 

• The romance between Geri Halliwell and Russell Brand is said to be cooling because she sees him as too intense! 

People dropping children off at school are being warned they're being watched.  The Borough's camera car will be out and about to make sure no-one is parking dangerously at the school gates. There are concerns about safety and complaints about access for residents. 

30 people were turned away from Barnsley's waste sites over the weekend.  People were asked to provide ID before dumping rubbish.  There were fears that people from Sheffield would try using them as staff at sites there walked out on strike. 

Barnsley Hospice are in urgent need of volunteer drivers.  Anyone who has their own car and a few hours to spare are being asked to come forward. It's so that patients and their families can attend services such as counselling and bereavement advice. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on History... 

Which British athlete broke three world records in six weeks during the 1970s?  

The answer to Friday’s question... A skulk is a collective noun describing a group of which carnivorous animal found in Britain? was Foxes.  

SHOULD YOU FOLLOW SOMEONE YOU DATE ON THEIR TWITTER? 

Do you follow someone you date on Twitter? Katie Heany, who writes about dating in the internet age, says no. Here is the rule: don't add a date/hook-up on Facebook, follow him/her on Twitter, or use any methods of communication you were not expressly given until you're both agreed that you are "dating." Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for too much misinterpretation, and if the other person clicks "Unfollow," it could get really uncomfortable. 

Do you follow your boyfriend/girlfriend on Twitter or Facebook? Have you encountered any problems with that? 

CHERYL COLE decided to write an autobiography after growing tired of hearing untrue tales about herself. The Girls Aloud star is preparing to lift the lid on her career and personal life, and she admits she felt compelled to pen the tome after former SO SOLID CREW rapper MC HARVEY claimed earlier this year to have grown close to Cole in 2010 following her split from ex-husband, England soccer star Ashley Cole. 

RIHANNA has branded French people ''insane'' after nearly causing a riot at the Gare du Nord train station in Paris on Saturday (1 Sep). The 24-year-old singer sparked ''absolute chaos'' when she posted the number of her Eurostar train and her arrival time at the Gare du Nord train station on twitter, which resulted in hundreds of screaming fans turning up to see their idol after her trip from London.  

It will come as no surprise to any woman who has despaired over her husband’s choice of clothes: The sexes see colours differently. Research has shown that male and female brains process colours in slightly different ways. This means that if both sexes look at an orange, it will appear redder to the man than to the woman. Similarly, grass looks yellower to a man and greener to a woman. The differences don’t end there. The experiments from the City University of New York also showed that men struggle to distinguish subtle differences in shades of yellow, green and blue. The effect is very small but it might mean that choosing a shade of paint from the dozens on a colour chart is a job best suited to a woman. The intriguing findings come from experiments in which men and women were shown flashes of light and asked to name the colours they saw. All had normal vision and none were colour blind, a trait that is known to be much more common in men than in women. 

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie - but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

If you want to get someone to do what you want, try asking them first if they’d mind babysitting your pet elephant! According to a new study, the best way to win people over to your side is to start with an outrageous demand first. Researchers found that when a person encounters a strange request, they’re much more likely to agree to the next thing you ask for. The sneaky technique is a more effective version of the classic ‘foot- in-the-door’ approach, according to the study author Dariusz Dolinski, a researcher at the Warsaw School of Social Sciences and Humanities in Poland.

But while a street beggar might ask for the time and then follow up with a request for spare change, Dolinski suggests it’s better to make the first question more bizarre or extreme. In an office context, a boss might ask an employee to work weekends and holidays for a whole year and take a pay cut. When that request gets turned down, the manager should get better results with the follow-up asking for a report to be turned in by Friday. The outrageous question effectively reframes the real request to make it sound much more reasonable. 

It comes at a premium price, but it seems organic food may not be worth shelling out for. Researchers claim it is no more nutritious than food grown using pesticides and chemicals – and won’t benefit your health. Many people pay as much as a third more for organic food in the belief that it is healthier and safer. However, Dr Dena Bravata and colleagues from Stanford University Medical Centre, California, found no clear evidence of any significant added health benefits. They also found that there was no guarantee organic food would be pesticide-free – a key attraction for many consumers – though it did have lower levels. Senior author Dr Bravata said: ‘There isn’t much difference between organic and conventional foods, if you’re an adult and making a decision based solely on your health.’ The results, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine journal, come from the biggest review yet of existing studies comparing the two types of food.  However, UK campaigners said the survey was not equipped to detect real differences. 

SHARD… The Duke of York abseiled from the Shard in London to raise money for charity… 

OSCAR… 'Blade Runner' Oscar Pistorius still claims his defeat in the Paralympics was down to the winner having longer prosthetic blades than the ones he uses… 

LIVERPOOL… Liverpool's main owner John Henry has written an open letter to fans saying the owners will not damage the club's future with "risky spending". 

CARDS… The government is going ahead with its plan to ban retailers from imposing excessive or surprise charges on people who pay by debit or credit card… 

GERI… The romance between Geri Halliwell and Russell Brand is said to be cooling because she sees him as too intense… 

THE ROCK… Action movie actor & Wrestler The Rock has apparently foiled an attempted burglary in London, when he spotted the group of would-be thieves as they attempted to break into some vans… 

Josie from Athersley had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about wearing sunglasses...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 on Monday morning!

• It’s National Donate Day, Merchant Navy Day, Skyscraper Day, Lost Day, National Welsh Rarebit Day, Australian National Flag Day, Settler’s Day (South Africa), Independence Day (San Marino), Independence Day (Qatar), Scottish Animal Week, Migraine Awareness Week, Fibromyalgia Awareness Week,  National Payroll Week, National Wine Week, Small Business Advice Week, Scottish Food & Drink Fortnight, World Alzheimer's Month, National CMT Awareness Month (Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome), Pet Smile Month, Soil Association's Organic September. 

• MP's return to Parliament today after their summer recess - David Cameron promises to cut through the "dither" and get the country moving. 

• London 2012 Paralympic Games – Day 6; athletics and swimming. Medals awarded today in: archery; athletics; equestrian; powerlifting; shooting; swimming; and table tennis. Qualifying highlights: wheelchair basketball; wheelchair tennis; sitting volleyball; goal ball; and football 7-a-side. 

• ‘The Sweeney’ – UK film premiere. Vue Cinema, Leicester Square, London, 6:15PM. Ray Winstone, Ben Drew, Hayley Atwell, Damian Lewis and Steven Mackintosh star in a big screen version of the classic 1970s TV series. 

• Rebekah Brooks is in court again – charged over the alleged News of the World phone hacking 

• ‘WellChild Awards’ - Intercontinental Hotel, Park Lane, London, 6:00PM. Awards ceremony recognising the bravery of children dealing with a variety of health issues and the practitioners behind their recovery. Charity patron Prince Harry gives a speech and presents the award for Most Inspirational Child. 

• New inspection arrangements come into effect from today which require all schools inspected by Ofsted to be judged as 'good' at a minimum in order to be considered good enough for children 

• ‘The English Curry Awards 2012’ - Old Trafford Cricket Ground, Talbot Road, Manchester. Honours the best from the curry industry. 

• The "Massive” Essex Lion was in fact a large male tabby cat that was sulking because it’s owners were away! 

• Bladerunner Oscar Pistorius has been labelled a big sulk and a poor loser in the papers today after claiming that Brazilian Alan Oliveira was using illegal blades when he beat him in the 200m T44 at the Paralympics. 

• CCTV footage has emerged of a Jack Russell hopping onto a train and travelling all the way from Kent to London. 

• Action hero Bruce Willis faces a real life battle against a corporate giant as he takes on Apple over the ownership of music ‘bought’ from their iTunes Store. 

• The cost of raising a child to pre-secondary school age has risen to more than £90,000, according to new figures. The average annual cost of raising a child up to the age of 11 in Britain has increased by 15% in the past five years. 

• MAKE-UP… Elton John and Madonna have ended their public feud after kissing and making up in a French restaurant… 

• The Quantity of the Quality is declining...Britain’s favourite tin of chocolates has shrunk just before the Christmas sales rush! 

• Caught out by Henry, love cheat who hovered up a pair of knickers belonging to another woman has been found out after they blocked the hoover! 

A petition's been launched to try and stop Boxer Mike Tyson appearing in Barnsley. The convicted rapist is due to speak at an event at the Metrodome next month. Charity Barnsley Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Helpline says it sends out the wrong message. 

Health staff will hold a protest at Barnsley hospital later. The Save Our NHS campaign held a rally earlier this year. It's been organised by the GMB union who are concerned about NHS reforms. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on English... 

A skulk is a collective noun describing a group of which carnivorous animals found in Britain?  

The answer to Friday’s question... What name is given to the fruit of a rose bush?was a hip.  

5 THINGS WE DIDN'T KNOW THIS TIME LAST WEEK 

1.         1 in 10 parents who live within 500 yards of their child's school drive them to the school gates.

2.         There's been a 15% rise in head lice already this year.

3.         Rita Ora has a morbid fear of public toilets.

4.         Dining out is best on Tuesday, because most restaurants don’t get deliveries over the weekend. By Tuesday, everything is fresh again.

5.         White cars now hold their value better than other colours. 

With the new school and college year about to start… the government has increased the number of vocational Diploma courses available to students. There are lots of diplomas that have also popped up over the last few years… like ‘land-based and environmental studies’, ‘hair and beauty’, ‘manufacturing’, ‘hospitality and catering business administration’ and ‘finance’.  Some people have criticised the diplomas saying they’re no substitute for academic qualifications but I’m not so sure. I reckon there should be more vocational courses to help young people get ready for adulthood. Can you think of any things you would’ve liked to have learned at school that would’ve been useful as an adult? How to cook on a barbecue? How to dislike your children’s music tastes? 

•    How to tally up a bill in a restaurant – normal maths lessons don’t cover this complex and sometimes controversial subject. Do you split it equally or should the pudding eaters pay more? 

•    For men - How to hide your disappointment when the wife tells you you’ve been invited to yet another wedding 

•    For women – How to explain to your man that, even though he’s trying desperately to hide his disappointment at being invited to yet another wedding, as it’s his wedding, he really should make an effort to enjoy it 

•    How to fill in a mortgage application – OK, it’s probably pointless at the moment but once the banks start lending again it’ll be useful and it gets you used to rejection 

•    How to manage a night out with your friends so that you buy the last round – that’s sound financial know-how that all adults should learn as you’ll usually end up spending less than anyone else 

•    How to stop being young and trendy and start to dress and act like your parents – this needs to be managed carefully to ensure a smooth transition, otherwise you end up acting like a young person but showing your age in your poor dress sense 

A massive "lion" that sparked an urgent hunt involving armed officers and two police helicopters using heat-seeking equipment is now believed to be a domestic pussycat called Teddy Bear. Panic and excitement gripped Clacton-on-Sea in Essex at the weekend after a group of residents claimed to have seen a lion at a caravan park in St Osyth. Armed officers and Colchester Zoo workers armed with tranquiliser guns spent almost 24 hours combing the countryside. Residents were warned to stay indoors on Sunday night, and caravanners were moved to a nearby garden centre. But after search teams found no evidence of the fearsome predator, police called off the search on Monday afternoon. Now it appears the giant man-eater was no more than a large domestic cat, with amused locals already compiling a list of possible suspects. In the frame is the innocuous-sounding Teddy Bear, a sandy-coloured three-year-old Maine Coon. He often stalks the field where the "lion" was spotted, and has regularly been mistaken for a fox, says his owner Ginny Murphy. She told the Daily Mail she watched the drama unfold on TV from Liverpool where she was staying, and immediately had her suspicions."It clicked right away," she said. "We thought it had to be Ted as he's the only big gingery thing around there and he does tend to wander into that field." After looking at the grainy pictures of the "lion" taken by residents and holidaymakers, she said she had no doubt it was her pet. "There's no question about it, it's him. As we were away he probably went into the field to sulk. 

Bladerunner Oscar Pistorius has been labelled a big sulk and a poor loser in most of the papers today after claiming that Brazilian Alan Oliveira was using illegal blades when he beat him in the 200m T44 at the Paralympics. Is it being a poor loser or will he just have been talking from disappointment and frustration and be really embarrassed this morning?  

CCTV footage has emerged of a Jack Russell hopping onto a train and travelling all the way from Kent to London. Frankie, six, jumped through the legs of commuters in the middle of the morning rush hour to board the express train at Gravesend station in Kent. He then scurried up the aisle to find a seat, eventually settling on one by the window. The dog remained on the train for its entire 30-minute journey to London's St Pancras, where he was rescued by train staff. The train manager rang the phone number on Frankie's collar to contact his owner, Jane Abbott, who came to collect the adventurous pooch. She had been frantically searching for the dog, who had run off and made the 1.6 mile journey from home to the railway station on his own. "What we don't understand is why Frankie chose rail. He's never been on a train before," Ms Abbott said. The owner and her daughter paid £59 for the peak time train journey to retrieve their pet, although the £17.50 fare for Frankie was waived. In a statement, train operators Southeastern rail said: "We're pleased we were able to help reunite Frankie and his owners." 

SOMEONE will be shaken and stirred at this year’s 007-themed Barnsley Hospice Ball, as a diamond necklace is up for grabs. The annual fund-raising ball will have a James Bond theme this year and the special prize in an ‘open the box’ competition will be an 18 carat white gold necklace set with a sparkling diamond. The event will see a Jaws lookalike serving cocktails, with a four-course meal served to the sound of iconic Bond themes. Dress code is black tie - but people can also come along dressed up as their favourite Bond hero or villain. Organisers hope the fundraising dinner and dance will top last year’s event which raised around £10,000. The ball will take place at the Holiday Inn, Barnsley, on September 14. Tickets, priced £45, are available on 01226 323628. 

Bruce Willis is more usually seen escaping from explosions and battling terrorists to save the world. His latest battle, however, takes him to the considerably quieter world of the courtroom – although he still faces a formidable opponent. The Hollywood action hero is said to be considering legal action against technology giant Apple over his desire to leave his digital music collection to his daughters. If he succeeds, he could benefit not just himself and his family but the millions who have purchased songs from Apple’s iTunes Store. Willis has discovered that, like anyone who has bought music online, he does not actually own the tracks but is instead ‘borrowing’ them under a licence. Most purchasers do not bother to read the details of the terms and conditions they agree to when buying an album but the small print makes it clear that music bought through iTunes should not be passed on to others. Since Willis – who occasionally sings with a blues band and has appeared in a video for Damon Albarn’s band Gorillaz – has apparently spent thousands of dollars downloading music on to ‘many, many iPods’, he is keen to be able to hand it on legitimately to daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallaluh. One approach he is reportedly considering is to ask his legal team to establish family trusts as the ‘holders’ of his downloaded music. Another option is to support ongoing legal action in five US states to give downloaders more rights to do what they want with their music. The legal actions face immense difficulties thanks to the enormous powers Apple established for itself at the start of the digital music age. It can freeze the iTunes accounts of those it believes are passing on music to others and forbids the transfer of songs to MP3 players other than its own iPods. 

The cost of raising a child to pre-secondary school age has risen to more than £90,000, figures reveal. The average annual cost of raising a child up to the age of 11 in Britain has increased by £1,085 in the past five years, up 15 per cent from £7,222 in 2007 to £8,307 in 2011, the study by Halifax suggests. Inflation, as measured by the Retail Price Index, rose by 18 per cent over the same period, with parents spending just under a fifth – 18 per cent – of their income on bringing up their child. Schooling made up the largest increase in spending – including money spent on uniforms, class materials, school trips and lunches – with costs estimated to have increased by 24 per cent, from £694 a year in 2007 to £849 in 2012. The costs of nurseries and childminding accounted for the second largest increase, growing by 22 per cent to £3,346 in 2011. This typically accounted for 40 per cent of the total annual expenditure incurred by parents when raising their offspring, while nursery and childminding combined with schooling accounted for half of the total annual expenditure. 

MAKE-UP… Elton John and Madonna have ended their public feud after kissing and making up in a French restaurant… 

OSBORNE… Sharon Osbourne wants to be an X Factor judge again after she and Simon Cowell made up… 

RIHANNA… Rihanna has sparked fresh fears over her party lifestyle after clashing with bouncers in a nightclub… 

LOTTO… Five winners have shared Saturday's Lotto jackpot of £4.8 million, but in a rare twist, their prize money was trumped by the person who matched five numbers plus the bonus ball… 

PARALYMPICS… It's been revealed that a jobsworth barred blind ex-minister David Blunkett from the Paralympic opening ceremony because of his guide dog… 

They are a Christmas favourite in households across the UK. But British families might find their traditional tin of Quality Street going empty a tad quicker this year. Tins of the chocolates have been shrunk just before the Christmas period when sales of the sweets are at their highest. Food giant Nestle who produce the sweets have been criticised for failing to reduce the price of the chocolates, prompting campaigners to describe the move as a hidden price rise. The purple tins have been reduced in size by 18 per cent – from 1kg to 820g. A report in trade magazine The Grocer said: ‘The Christmas shrink ray has struck again, and this year it is Nestle pulling the trigger. The tins are being sold for £5, the same price as last year’s larger tins. 

Heartbroken Melissa Smeaton discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her when she found his lover's knickers blocking her vacuum cleaner. The 32-year-old moved in with 'reformed love rat' Richard Antony, 34, after he promised to put an end to his infidelity. But she was left devastated when she took her blocked Henry cleaner to be fixed at a local repair shop and the technician pulled out a pair of frilly French pants belonging to another woman. Tearful Melissa stormed back to her house in Croydon to confront her lover with the 'cleaner in one hand and knickers in the other'. Richard at first denied he had done anything wrong saying 'they are nothing to do with me'. Melissa, an event organiser, said: 'I could not believe it when the workman pulled out the frilly knickers - it was really embarrassing. 'I was stunned at first but I knew they weren't mine and quickly realised he had been up to no good. I was heartbroken; I thought his wild ways with the ladies were behind him. 'It was like something out of a movie – I guess the idiot must have tried to dispose of the evidence by sucking up the other woman's knickers in the hoover. 'Who does that? And then he had the cheek to try and deny it. I was absolutely fuming. 

Colin from Park Road had a go at Look Who’s Talking, he guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 on Monday morning!

• It’s National Hug Your Boss Day, Nottingham Day (Aims to promote the East Midlands city. The Lord Mayor officially launches the day), Independence Day (Ukraine), Knife Day, National Peach Pie Day, International Rocket Week, National Fuel Efficiency Month and National Road Victim Month. 

• London 2012 Paralympic Torch Relay – Day 1; Jeremy Hunt attends – Trafalgar Square. It’s the first of four flame lighting events. Belfast (August 25), Edinburgh (August 26) and Cardiff (August 27) lighting ceremonies take place in the following days 

• The Paralympic rings – Agitos – are lowered into place on Tower Bridge at 8am this morning. 

• Rapper Aggro Santos charged with rape – the jury is expected to retire in Chichester. 

• Leeds/Reading Festival begin – Takes place in Leeds and Reading simultaneously, featuring rock, dance, cabaret and comedy. 

• All four managers of the home nations host a joint press conference in London this morning as they begin the road to Brazil, and aim for a place at the 2014 World Cup finals. 

• ‘Channel of the Year Awards’ take place in the International Conference Centre (ICC), Edinburgh. Hosted by Jason Manford they award the TV channel ‘of the year’. 

• GOLF – PGA European Tour: Johnnie Walker Championship continues, Gleneagles 

• CRICKET – England v South Africa – 1st NatWest Series ODI (Cardiff) 

• The Sun has published THOSE pictures of Prince Harry in the buff this morning, but it looks like Flash Harry has won over the British public after those naked pictures of him were leaked online yesterday. 18,017 people were asked yesterday what they thought of Harry and his situation, with 62.2% saying they thought they were "fantastic". A further 28.3% said that the situation was "forgivable", and only 9.5% said that they thought his actions were "inappropriate". 

• It was one of the smash hits of the 90s – and Bottom is coming back. Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson are going to do a new series. It’s going to see Richie Rich and Eddie Hitler swap their filthy flat for a tropical island. 

• A Doctor Who mini-adventure is to air online before the new series starts. 'Pond life' will be split into 5 episodes and will focus the chaos the Doctor causes when he drops in and out of Amy Pond's life. 

• Yesterday we saw the first ever FALL in top GCSE grades in exam's 24-year history… But it wasn’t that bad, 69.4% of all GCSEs graded at least a C – that’s only down 0.4% on last year. The number of A* grades was down 0.5% on last summer, while number of exams given at least an A was down by just 0.8% 

• Have you hoarded any of the old games you grew up with in the loft? A survey has found that old toys are the things we find it hardest to throw away thanks to our emotional connection with them. We also find it hard to throw away clothes that no longer fit, family photos and love letters… 

• Love Abba? You’ll love SuBo soon… SUSAN Boyle has turned to Benny and Bjorn from Abba for her next album... Let’s be honest, Subo is no Agnetha... 

• If you’re off into town shopping later, we’re in for a bank holiday bargain bonanza we’re being told, as stores slash prices by up to 75%. It looks like many stores are desperate to lure us in with mega deals on end-of-summer stock. Clothing, electrical items, Kids clothes and homeware will be heavily discounted over the weekend. 

• LAUGHTER is the best medicine, according to researchers who say it can be as healthy as a good diet and exercise. They’ve found out A "belly laugh” improves blood flow. When male volunteers watched funny segments from a film their blood vessels expanded… I wonder what film that was the… Oh it says here, it was the funny bits from There’s Something About Mary.. 

• A GREEN-FINGERED shopkeeper says the secret of his whopping cucumber is that it "grows to music". Parbat Halai, reckons the 28-inch long cucumber is aided by him playing traditional Indian temple sounds in his greenhouse... Hmmmm… wonder if it’ll work on my little radish... 

• She might not have gone down well at The V Festival - but it seems America loves Cher Lloyd. She’s sold over a million copies of her single. 'Want U Back' The album will be out in October – and features Snoop Dog. 

A Barnsley soldier injured during a tour of Iraq will be among a group of soldiers escorting the Paralympic flame. Private Chris Herbert will help transport the flame as it travels in Yorkshire – it's being split into five going to destinations including Huddersfield, York and Sheffield. 

Barnsley council's among the top three when it comes to compensating drivers to damage to cars due to poorly maintained roads in the past two years. It says the figures quoted include claims dating back to the bad winters of 2008 and 2009 as well as the summer flooding of five years ago. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on Science... 

The animal Struthio camelus, which can grow to nine feet tall, can be trained to successfully herd sheep, but what is its common name?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... Which English Football League club's ground is farthest away from any other? was Carlisle Utd.  

An event just for dogs is being held next month in aid of the Breakfast Show Charity...Barnsley Hospice. The Paws in the Park event on September 2 raised £1,800 last year and offers two routes – one that is 6 miles and one that is 2.5 around Cannon Hall Country Park. There will fundraising activities throughout the day and dogs will also be able to take part in a dog show. All participants will receive a bandana, certificate and goody bag for taking part. More information about the walk and registering pets can be found on Barnsley Hospice’s website, www.barnsleyhospice.org. 

PARALYMPIC organisers are keeping a close eye on some of the athletes this morning…They reckon some of them could cheat by HURTING themselves. The International Paralympics Committee (IPC) wants to stop athletes with spinal injuries self-harming to boost their performance. Male competitors are said to be strangling their ‘BITS’, breaking their toes and even electrocuting themselves in the bizarre practice known as boosting. The pain increases blood pressure and heart rate and can be a way to boost performance. Boosting has been banned since 1994 but it’s apparently hard to test for. You learn something every day! The move was thought to be widespread at the Beijing Games in 2008, but in 20 blood pressure checks the IPC found no clear evidence of athletes cheating. I can think of other legal ways to induce increased heart rate and it doesn’t involve jumping on my bits, electrocution or breaking anything! They just need to get Stringfellows into the Paralympics Village – that should do the trick! 

The Paralympic Games are less than a week away, and events are taking place in London this morning. A cauldron's being lit in Trafalgar Square at 8:00am and the Paralympic flame's being paraded around the city. A giant version of the Paralympic rings will also be unveiled on Tower Bridge. Britain's success at the Olympics apparently led to a boost in staff morale AND made us work harder. 20% of firms allowed their staff to watch Olympic events in the office, and a third of managers admit staff were more productive as a result. 

THE body of that missing four year old was found yesterday. Dylan Cecil was found less than half a mile from the jetty where he was swept out to sea. Relatives broke down in tears after the discovery on mudflats near Burnham-on-Sea Sailing Club in Somerset yesterday afternoon. The boy was dragged beneath the waves after toppling off a slipway in the resort on Sunday evening. His parents Rachel McCollum and Darren Cecil, from Kettering, Northants, laid flowers on the sea wall after the body was found by a member of the public, and thanked wellwishers. His mum, Rachel said: "As daft as it seems we feel elated – completely elated. We’ve got our boy back and he’s not out there anymore – he’s not lost at sea. "Now, we can get to see him again one last time – and kiss him goodnight.” 

A GREEN-FINGERED shopkeeper says the secret of his whopping cucumber is that it "grows to music". Parbat Halai, reckons the 28-inch long cucumber is aided by him playing traditional Indian temple sounds in his greenhouse... And he says its gained extra length and girth because it is never lonely – as he leaves the radio on when he's not around. He’s seen his cucumber grow from a seed to over two-feet long in just four months at his home in Cardiff. He said: "I always talk or leave the radio on to let the plant know that somebody’s there. Hmmmm… wonder if it’ll work on my little radish... 

They say this every bank holiday...So here we go again! It’s going to be murder on the roads tonight! 16 million vehicles are expected to hit the road later ready for the last bank holiday before Christmas... And I bet they’ll all be in front of me just because I wanna go somewhere...The weather for the weekend looks rubbish too... I think it’s a bank holiday ahead of itself and thinks it’s Christmas already…A number of festivals - including the Notting Hill Carnival in London – and Leeds, Reading & Bestival and quite a few sporting events are happening over the August bank holiday weekend too. Plus they’re could be problems on the Eurotunnel… The French are threatening to strike over the weekend, meaning services between Folkestone and Calais could be disrupted...If you’re thinking of getting away from it all allow yourself an extra 4 hours to get into Heathrow...860,000 are due to fly out later… Heathrow's most popular destinations for the weekend are New York, Dubai, Dublin, Frankfurt and Los Angeles. 

LEARNING from mistakes can be more effective than being spoon-fed answers, particularly as you get older. A study says that finding things out the hard way – and taking steps not to make the same mistake again – is more effective than passive learning and specially benefits older brains. Researchers say their findings have implications for how older people are taught and also in helping the elderly with conditions like Alzheimer’s… 

If you’re off into town shopping later, we’re in for a bank holiday bargain bonanza we’re being told, as stores slash prices by up to 75%. It looks like many stores are desperate to lure us in with mega deals on end-of-summer stock. Clothing, electrical items, Kids clothes and home ware are going to be heavily discounted over the weekend. The shops are keen to shift as much as they can before the traditionally tough pre-Christmas trading period sets in. Electrical items, particularly laptops and TVs, are also heavily discounted for the bank holiday. 

A £50 RISE in monthly household costs would push a third of Brits into a cash crisis. 20% of us say we’re living on the brink and another one in 20 say an increase of under £20 would wreck their finances, according to MoneySupermarket.com 

LAUGHTER is the best medicine, according to researchers who say it can be as healthy as a good diet and exercise. They’ve found out A "belly laugh” improves blood flow. When volunteers watched funny segments from a film their blood vessels expanded… I wonder what the film was to do that… Oh it says here, it was the funny bits from "There’s Something About Mary”...When they were shown scenes of distress from "Saving Private Ryan” their blood vessels narrowed, constricting blood flow to the heart. So to stay healthy we need to watch comedy and have a giggle every day...That explains why the cast of "My Family”have been miserable for the past 10 years then… 

Our constant complaints about petrol prices appear to be justified by research out this morning that puts the UK among the top three most expensive countries in the world to fill up…We pay on average 141p a litre for petrol, but that's still considerably less than drivers in Norway's capital Oslo pay...over there its 164p a litre, making it the most expensive petrol in the world. So, where are the lowest petrol prices? If you’ve gotta fill up for the bank holiday getaway later, you can cheer yourself up with this…The top 10 cheapest places worldwide to fill up. 

TOP TEN CHEAPEST PETROL PRICES WORLDWIDE 

Position           Country            City                  Average price per litre

1                      Venezuela        Caracas           2 to 3p

2                      Saudi Arabia     Riyadh              8p

3                      Libya               Tripoli               9p

4                      Turkmenistan    Ashgabat         12p

5                      Bahrain            Manama           13p

6                      Kuwait             Kuwait City       14p

7                      Qatar               Doha                15p

8                      Egypt              Cairo                19p

9                      Oman              Muscat             20p

10                     Algeria             Algiers             20p 

Can anyone tell me how much does a hosepipe, 10,000 miles long cost? Plus the price of setting up a petrol station at this end of it selling Venezuelan petrol? Mind you, it's nice to know we have come near the top in something...even if it is having the most expensive petrol!! 

High stress levels at work causes one in three of us to comfort eat at work, a study has found. The combination of long hours and a heavy workload causes millions of workers to reach for unhealthy snacks and treats. It also emerged eight out of ten of us regularly gorge on sweets or chocolate to cheer ourselves up -- with many of us then going home for more comfort foods. Cold weather is also said to tempt more us into comfort eating with 33% of people saying they do it more in winter. The study also revealed we spend an average of 1h 40m thinking about food every day…Especially when being asked survey questions about it. 

Friday night, and for many, it’s the pub and then a curry to kick off the bank holiday weekend…CURRY lovers are going to get a kick out of this fiery dish. The Dilshad Inferno is so hot it the restaurant where it’s made forces diners to sign a disclaimer warning about the perils of eating it. It’s made using one of the most ferocious chilli peppers in the world and carries its own health and safety warning. Dilshad restaurant, in Chadds Moor in Staffordshire uses red-hot naga chillies in the deadly dish. Most Indian restaurants in the UK avoid them because they are too spicy. The dish is so scorching that no-one has been able to finish one so far. The owners of the secret recipe are so sure no one will ever polish off an entire Inferno he offers the dish for free to anyone who manages it. 

MEN are becoming vainer than women when it comes to looking good on holiday...surely not! One in five guys takes a hairdryer with him and one in eight can’t go away without his hair straighteners! I’m lucky, I don’t need to take either…Men are also more likely than women to pack a travel iron, according to a survey this morning. While women take on average three electrical items on a trip abroad, men take seven. If men were only able to take one gadget away with them on holiday, four times as many men as women would opt for the iron above anything else…including an iPod. One for the guys listening... What’s more important for a couple of weeks away? An iPod, a hairdryer, hair straighteners…or your special pulling pants? 

Most teenage girls worry about their weight but they’re twice as likely to go on a diet if their mothers do the same. A survey's found 93% of girls are concerned about their weight – with 15% saying they regularly diet. But if their Mums are trying to slim down – that figure rises to 30%. 

ALMOST half of us will be obese by 2030, with more than a million extra people suffering devastating illnesses as a result. Research has revealed that if current trends continue, 26million people in Britain will be officially obese within the next two decades. This is 11million more than the 15million Britons who are already in that medical category. And the toll of over-eating and lack of exercise will mean an extra 668,000 cases of diabetes, 461,000 of heart disease and 130,000 of cancer – about 1.25 million additional sufferers in all. 

Forget that long workout chaps…Men who exercise for half an hour a day lose more weight than those who train for twice that time. But researchers say they aren’t sure why men who exercised for an hour lost less weight than those who trained for just half an hour…Those who exercised for longer probably gained more muscle, which weighs more than fat. 

Josie from Athersley had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about being blindfolded...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 on Monday morning! 

That’s it from me for a week...I’m off for a late summer holiday...hence why it will be wet next week! Joe Sentance looks after things next week and I’ll be back in the first week of September, just in time for the children to go back to school!

• Virgo Begins, It’s International Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade and its Abolition, European Day of Remembrance for Victims of Stalinism and Nazism, Permanent Press Day, National Plumber’s Day, National Spongecake Day, International Rocket Week, National Fuel Efficiency Month and National Road Victim Month.  

• MINISTERS have hit out at health and safety madness by naming the UKs 10 pottiest bans… Including one on dodgems bumping each other. The fun, at Butlin's in Skegness, was axed by officials along with flying kites on beaches in East Yorkshire and a school sack race in Washington, Tyne and Wear. 

• Next time you’re caught surfing the net in the office don’t apologise… A survey this morning says it’s actually making you a better worker, Browsing the web refreshes us and makes us more productive. The conclusion, web-surfers are significantly more productive and effective at the tasks than those who don’t take little breaks to chat on Facebook and have a look round our website.. 

• They reckon we’re saving almost a £1billion a week by taking advantage of discount codes, special offers and freebies. Bargain hunters amongst us are tightening the purse strings and searching for price deals and cashing in money-off vouchers. And our frugal approach has helped to save an estimated £51bn in the past year alone. The average adult now saves £1,196 a year on deals, while 90% of use buy discounted goods and take advantage of weekly high street deals. 

• They’re man’s best friend… And now it seems women’s too. 20% of women now spend more time talking to their dog than their man they’re saying this morning… Girls also take time off work to look after poorly pooches and even leave the radio on for them! Just think there could be hundreds of dogs listening to me now… 

• Forget big noses, knobbly knees and bingo wings. Its stubborn love handles most women are most self-conscious about. Yes, that hard-to-shift, bit of flab on the hips is our biggest body hang-up were being told today. It’s topped a list above 'saddle-bags' (fatty outer thighs) and muffin-tops, according to the survey. 

• If you’re a bit of a geek – you’ll love this… The much-rumoured new Apple iPhone could be in stores in just under a month, according to a new report. An anonymous source at Apple says, it’s restricting all its staff from taking any holiday between September 21 and September 30. It’s fuelling rumours that Apple is expected to announce the new iPhone – on September 12. 

• ELIZABETH Taylor has been named the "most photogenic” star of all time. Liz, The Cleopatra beauty, who died in March last year, has beaten Friends star Jennifer Aniston into second place with David Beckham third. Liz is a "timeless beauty.” Isn’t she? 

• The most dangerous place on Earth has been revealed this morning… It’s the fictional setting for the TV series Murder, She Wrote… Cabot Cove has a higher murder rate than anywhere else per head of population than anywhere else on the planet! I know – some people just have too much time on their hands. It looks like Jessica Fletcher is the world’s most successful serial killer! AND she manages to persuade some other fool to take the blame and confess!! 

• Naked pictures of Prince Harry partying in Las Vegas have been leaked to the papers this morning… I’ve seen them in 4 of today’s papers and all I can say is ‘nothing to see… move along! The images apparently show him naked after enjoying a game of strip billiards... Anyway the pictures of the Crown Jewels...in all their pixilated glory...are in the papers this morning… 

• The Beeb is conforming this morning the start date for the new series of Doctor Who. Get ready to hide behind the cushions! Its back a week on Saturday.. The first episode is called 'Asylum of the Daleks', and our knobbly friends are back to kill the Doctor… But does he survive? I’m sure you can work that out… 

A Barnsley shopkeeper says the future of his business is under threat from Tesco. Ashish Patel had tried to fight off the plans to turn a derelict pub across from his business into a Tesco Express, but the plans have been approved.  

8 people were killed and 800 injured in Barnsley road accidents last year. The figures have been revealed by the South Yorkshire Safer Roads Partnership. Most of those involved were aged 17-24. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on PE... 

Which English Football League club's ground is farthest away from any other?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... The Orkney's are separated from mainland Britain by which body of water? was the Pentland Firth.  

Headline Makers with the Barnsley Chronicle... 

How would you like to see your words printed in Friday’s Barnsley Chronicle? That’s the reward for coming up with the best headline for this week’s story on Headline Makers. The current score is Dearne FM Listeners 13 Barnsley Chronicle 11...can we get back to winning ways this week? We are looking for your suggestions of a headline for this story... MUSIC lover Chris Haigh has composed musical scores for trailers promoting several Hollywood blockbusters – from his bedroom in Wombwell. Former Kirk Balk pupil Chris studied music technology at Barnsley College and got into writing movie trailers when his website was spotted by somebody in the industry. He has been involved for a couple of years and has built up several contacts in Los Angeles. His credits include 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes', the Liam Neeson thriller 'Unknown' and 'Flying Swords', starring Jet Li, which is released in 3D iMax cinemas this month.. Chronicle editor Andrew Harrod reckons the headline should be: "Hollywood bowled over by Wombwell chamber music”... But can you do better?? It was a close run thing this week, but the Chronicle prevailed...so it’s now 13-12! 

An event just for dogs is being held next month in aid of the Breakfast Show Charity...Barnsley Hospice. The Paws in the Park event on September 2 raised £1,800 last year and offers two routes – one that is 6 miles and one that is 2.5 around Cannon Hall Country Park. There will fundraising activities throughout the day and dogs will also be able to take part in a dog show. All participants will receive a bandana, certificate and goody bag for taking part. More information about the walk and registering pets can be found on Barnsley Hospice’s website,www.barnsleyhospice.org 

What was your first car….Mine was a Morris Minor...I lovingly restored it putting in hours of work, I finally sold it on and the new owner wrapped it round a tree and wrote it off 3 weeks later...I was gutted! Your first car is often linked to so many good memories and experiences from the early stages of romances, to your first accident! Ian Stringer from Lincolnshire sold his beloved red Vauxhall Chevette 25 years ago…And he thought it was the last he’d seen of it…So when he found out for sale, a very nostalgic Mr Stringer wasted no time in turning back the clock and snapping up the Chevette for a second time… You would have thought a Chevette, once would have been enough… Two decades, and 3 Grand’s worth of work, and the trusty red run around has fully restored to its former glory… He’s in one of the papers stood proudly next to his Chevette….What was your first car? Would you spend 4 grand buying it back and getting it back on the road? What’s your best memory of your first car?! 

In 1968 I purchased a brand new dark blue Triumph Spitfire, it cost me £825 including tax. I had a great two years with that car; I met my wife while I owned the car in 1969 and have lots of memories. I sold it in 1970 as I was going to hitchhike around Europe and I wanted the money. How I wished I still owned it, although it must have been scrapped years ago. There is a photo of a much younger me sitting in the car fixed permanently above my computer. Derek  

I would have my first car back in a flash if it was available (a Datsun Cherry 'Coupe'). Terrible to drive, couldn't get round corners, and could only do 90mph if it was going downhill, but it HAD character (and rust holes). I suppose there will be people in 20 years time getting sentimental about their Kia 4x4s. George 

Didn’t the Chevette heated rear window to keep your hands warm when shoving it. Des 

Gutted My first car was a dark-green Ford Cortina Mk3. It could just about reach speeds to make it illegal on the motorway but it had problems with rust around the wings. A bit of a design flaw when you compare it with today's offerings. Would I have it back again ? - Hell no ! :) I guess some cars have lasting appeal but ...Dave, 

My first car a 1975 Vauxhall Viva in Met green , Vinyl roof, same engine as the Chevette.. However beaten by my second-a Sunbeam Talbot in bright Orange and brown checked seats..Class! took me all over the Uk- only hitch throttle cable broke in Stratford upon Avon and local dealer supplied a replacement cable for £1.90. Fitted in 5 minutes. Phil, 

Arrh! I had a Chevette then a Viva.. Now I remember why the British car industry collapsed ....Graham 

I had a red Ford Cortina, I bought it a Pink steering wheel cover & a pink aerial, sadly it stank of fags cos it used to belong to an old bloke and he used to smoke in it!  

I had a Morris Minor 1000 Traveller as my first car, I bought it when I was in the army for £30, now they sell for £4000, on motorway at 65mph everything used to shake...but it never let me down. Derek from Wombwell   

Four Paralympic flames have been lit at the top of the highest peaks of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland ahead of next week's Paralympics Games. That’s on Northern Ireland's Slieve Donard, Snowdon in Wales, Scotland's Ben Nevis and on Scafell Pike in England's Lake District. Four teams scaled the highest peaks to spark the flames which will come together at Stoke Mandeville next Tuesday. The flames are being carried down in lanterns ahead of celebrations in London, Edinburgh, Cardiff and Belfast over the Bank Holiday weekend. A 24-hour relay will leave Stoke Mandeville, the spiritual home of the Games, to arrive in Stratford in London, in time for the opening ceremony in London. Paralympics organisers have this morning put 40,000 more sport tickets and 100,000 ground entry tickets to the Olympic Park during the Games up for sale. Locog say the sports tickets were for a range of events, including athletics and wheelchair basketball. The non-sporting tickets cost £5 and are for various days throughout the Paralympics but do not grant admission to any sporting venues on the Park. 2.3 million tickets have been sold for the Paralympics so far. Ticket sales have outstripped any previous Paralympics, with 2.5 million expected to be made available. They are available from the London 2012 ticket website. 

What did you want to do when you left school? It seems there's still a gender divide when it comes to school leavers' career choices. A new study says girls want to become teachers or work in fashion, and boys want a job in IT or engineering. But, both girls and boys are keen on careers in healthcare. And as thousands of students find out their GCSE results this morning – there's a warning more schools could being labeled as failing because they haven't met new targets. 40% of pupils are supposed to achieve at least five good grades – that's a rise of 5% on last year. Tougher exam standards this year are also aiming to stop the constant rise in the pass rate. 

GALES and storms will batter us they’re saying in a bank holiday washout this weekend. Winds and torrential rain are forecast to cause travel chaos in the final days of the summer break. Drivers will battle with poor visibility as showers are expected to sweep the entire country. And it means a soggy end to August with festival-goers in Reading and Leeds told to expect a mud bath! And the bank holiday news is just as bad for rail travellers, with no less than 39 sets of engineering works scheduled for this weekend. Many journey times will be doubled and more than 6 Million passengers are expected to have to use 1,400 replacement bus services. 

We’re facing a bleak winter after one energy firm announced a "shocking” 9% rise in gas and electricity prices last night. The energy giant SSE will put their prices up from October 15^th. The increase, which is treble the rate of inflation, will add at least £102 to the –average annual household bill. They reckon other energy firms will follow. SSE, who used to be called Scottish & Southern Energy, the UK’s second biggest supplier with 8.4 million customers, will introduce the hike from October, just in time for soaring energy demand in autumn and winter. This morning none of the Big Six suppliers ruled out increases in the New Year. British Gas has already warned of possible higher bills this autumn. Wholesale prices seemed to have been dropping over the last few months so we were expecting suppliers to pass these savings on to customers... That’s what we thought, and so did the experts in many of this morning’s papers.. SSE is increasing its charges despite pre-tax profits of £1.3billion last year. Across the industry energy bills have leapt nearly 20 per cent in the past two years. It comes as research by Eco Experts found that 92 per cent of people in the UK are worried about the cost of heating and lighting their homes. 

The Mortgage interest rate hasn’t risen at all for 3 years now – its 0.5%, unless you’ve got a mortgage with Santander. THOUSANDS of its customers will face higher monthly mortgages soon after the lender announced it is to hike its standard variable rate by half a per cent this morning. The rise to 4.74% is due to come into force on October 3. Santander mortgage holders will see an average increase of £26 a month or £312 a year for a £100,000 mortgage as a result of the change. Santander blamed the increased cost of funding a mortgage, adding that the cost of running a bank in the UK "has increased dramatically”. 

When Curiosity first touched down on Mars, Internet pranksters were quick to mock up photographs of aliens in the background. But it seems Nasa has itself captured something very strange on camera in pictures out today…They’ve released a picture of a strange white light dancing across the horizon of the red planet, and four blobs hovering in the sky. While the images are certainly a curiosity, Nasa experts are insisting they’re nothing more than blemishes on the images, picked up by the camera...they say ‘well the images are never going to be perfect when the pictures are coming from 350 million miles away. If you’ve ever tried to Bluetooth a picture from one iPhone to another, you’ll understand their reasoning there… NASA usually Photoshop UFOs out, so, maybe a big reveal’s coming! The TRUTH is out there! Alien hunters have suggested these are alien ships monitoring our baby steps into the universe. Don’t you just love the conspiracy theories? So, are there little green men are flying around I’ve had a closer look of the pictures on the NASA website, and we can confirm what they are…They are obviously Clangers… 

First it was furniture, and then it was hotels...Now Ikea wants to build an entire town! First came the flat pack wardrobes, then recently they put up a plush hotel and now Swedish home furnishing colossus Ikea is planning an entire mini-town in Germany. Hamburg is the destination for 'Ikeaville' with the conglomerate searching for at least 150,000 sq ft to develop homes, shops and offices. Arrh! But will there be enough screws included? And there is bound to be a bit left over, that you can't find a use for. 

They’re man’s best friend… And now it seems women’s too. 1 in 5 women now spend more time talking to their dog than their man they’re saying this morning...Girls also take time off work to look after poorly pooches and even leave the radio on for them! Just think there could be hundreds of dogs listening to me now… A survey of female dog owners says 18% chat to their dogs more than their husbands or boyfriends, with the Welsh, Scots and girls in the South-East most likely to strike up a conversation with their pooch.. That makes sense, the dog can’t answer back and think it's opinion is superior to yours… 42% have taken time off work to nurse sick animals and 34% leave the radio on to keep their pets company during the day... 

Next time you’re caught surfing the net in the office don’t apologise...A survey this morning says it’s actually making you a better worker, Browsing the web refreshes us and makes us more productive. Those of us who surf the net, as a little break, came back better prepared than people who made a phone call or sent a few texts on their break… Researchers reckon surfing serves an ‘important restorative function’ for those of us stuck in the office staring at a computer all day. The conclusion, web-surfers are significantly more productive and effective at the tasks than those who don’t take little breaks to chat on Facebook and have a look round our website.. 

MINISTERS have hit out at health and safety madness by naming the UKs 10 pottiest bans…including one on dodgems bumping each other. The fun, at Butlin's in Skegness, was axed by officials along with flying kites on beaches in East Yorkshire and a school sack race in Washington, Tyne and Wear. Employment ministers blamed many bans on party-pooper bureaucrats taking a "no risk" approach. A review of health and safety laws is gonna be published in October. This country sometimes is nuts… When I was a kid I learnt not to play with fire after burning my fingers, lesson learnt, not because someone told me. Everybody should be responsible for their own safety. 

The Craziest Crackdowns... 

1          Murray’s Mount at Wimbledon being closed in the wet!

2          Dodgems at Butlins Skegness cannot bump into each other

3          Royal wedding street parties

4          Refusal to carry a TV out of a pensioner’s home

5          Carnivals with fancy dress parades

6          Flying kites on beaches in East Yorkshire

7          Using playground equipment in Oxfordshire without a teacher present

8          Pins banned from Remembrance Day poppies

9          Kids told to use sponge footballs

10         Sack races at a school sports day 

Apparently We CAN predict the future (a bit)….They’re saying this morning that the brain knows what's going to happen before it actually does…We subconsciously make thousands of tiny predictions each day… Whether it's predicting when a bus will arrive, who’s knocking on the door or if a dropped glass will break. Now scientists are trying to unravel how the brain is such an accurate fortune-teller… But only when it comes to mundane events…Researchers have been playing a video of a glass dropping on a carpet, then stopping the video and asking people if it will break.. 90% of people have been getting it right! They reckon it will help us self diagnose illness, such as dementia and Parkinson’s… I’m like the Met office, rubbish at predicting things… What do you call it when you go upstairs, and forget what you went upstairs for? So you have to go back downstairs and into the kitchen to try and kick your memory into remembering? Oh yeah, that one’s called ‘getting old’ 

Andrew from Worsbrough Bridge had a go at Look Who’s Talking, he guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about the Black Hole at The Metrodome...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 in the morning!

• It’s Be An Angel Day, National Pecan Torte Day, International Rocket Week, National Fuel Efficiency Month and National Road Victim Month.

• Is the sun setting on summer? Heavy rain threatens the Bank Holiday weekend we’re being told. The forecasters are warning this morning that our summer is over. Temperatures are unlikely to top 20C this bank holiday weekend, after hitting 32C last Sunday 

• Petrol prices remain a consistent sore point – it’s not surprising, a litre of unleaded has now officially doubled in the last 10 years. According to the AA, the average litre of unleaded in August 2002 was 73.9p. It’s now 141.5p in some parts of the country. But in Venezuela it’s slightly less. A litre of unleaded is 8p A LITRE! 

• If you want your friends and neighbours to know you've made it, get a hot tub! According to a new report, we think having a Jacuzzi rockets us to the top of the social food chain. It’s topped a list of ‘ultimate status symbols’ with 69% of us citing it as proof someone had made it – closely followed by an American style fridge and a walk-in wardrobe… 

• Guys, how many of your mates from school are you still in touch with? Women are twice as good at making friends for life according to a new survey. One in three girls say their best friend today is still the pal they met at school… Girls, on average have five friends from school, men just one… 

• Cher’s had more marriages than comeback tours... And she’s about to have another… Her 3^rd comeback tour is bring planned in the states, but before that, she’ll get hitched for the third time according to The Sun. She’s getting married to former Hell's Angel Tim Medvetz in a 'quickie' ceremony in Las Vegas. 

• The Inbetweeners writers have confirmed plans for a movie sequel this morning. It’s in the early stages, but we’ll get to see the lads back next year… The first film made a fortune! The four stars will get a rumoured £2.5 million each for the new film… 

• Looks like Johnny Depp has signed up for a fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He’s said to have agreed a huge £60 million to return as Captain Jack Sparrow, according to The Sun. If it wasn’t for him, there wouldn’t be any Pirate films… No wonder they have to offer so much! 

• X Factors back, so Sinitta’s trying to extend that 15 minutes of fame she had in 1985… Sinitta’s revealed why she still loves Simon Cowell ... his spotted dick. Even though they split up years ago, she’s still close to Simon and loves it when she pops over for lunch and shares the steamed pud with him. 

• Forget reaching a century, we'd all be happy if we live until the age of 83 according to a new survey… 60% of us say we would rather die than be left alone in old age or be a burden due to illness 

A Wombwell brewery is expanding after seeing sales rise by 13% over the last year. Acorn brewery in Wombwell has won awards for its various bitters and ales and now a £60,000 investment will allow them to produce more than 40,000 pints a week to keep up with demand. 

A man is lucky to be alive after his vehicle got trapped between two heavy goods vehicles on the A61 at Tankersley yesterday. The accident, between two HGVs, a car and a van, happened near Wentworth Park Service Station and the road was closed for much of the evening. 

A disused phone box near Barnsley has been painted gold to mark the birthplace of Olympian Ed Clancy. Parish councillors in Ingbirchworth bought the phone box from BT and decided to paint the phone box to celebrate the cyclist's success at the London 2012 Games. The group said they wanted to mark the area where Clancy lived before moving to Huddersfield at the age of eight. 

It was a dismal night on the road for Barnsley. They were beaten 3-1 by Wolves...Tomasz Cywka got on the score sheet for the reds but by that point it was too late to salvage anything from the match. Keith Hill takes his side to Brighton at the weekend. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on Geography... 

The Orkney's are separated from mainland Britain by which body of water?  

The answer to yesterday’s question... Which million selling model with plenty of 'horsepower' was Matchbox's first sales success in 1953? was Queen Elizabeth II's Coronation Coach.  

Headline Makers with the Barnsley Chronicle... 

How would you like to see your words printed in Friday’s Barnsley Chronicle? That’s the reward for coming up with the best headline for this week’s story on Headline Makers. The current score is Dearne FM Listeners 13 Barnsley Chronicle 11...can we get back to winning ways this week? We are looking for your suggestions of a headline for this story... MUSIC lover Chris Haigh has composed musical scores for trailers promoting several Hollywood blockbusters – from his bedroom in Wombwell. Former Kirk Balk pupil Chris studied music technology at Barnsley College and got into writing movie trailers when his website was spotted by somebody in the industry. He has been involved for a couple of years and has built up several contacts in Los Angeles. His credits include 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes', the Liam Neeson thriller 'Unknown' and 'Flying Swords', starring Jet Li, which is released in 3D iMax cinemas this month.. Chronicle editor Andrew Harrod reckons the headline should be: "Hollywood bowled over by Wombwell chamber music”... But can you do better?? You have until 8am Thursday morning to submit your suggestion by phone, text, twitter or facebook! 

It seems that Barnsley has become a hotspot for UFO sightings with a rash of reports appearing on website www.UK-UFO.co.uk over the last few months. Sightings have been reported in Barugh Green, Dodworth, Darfield and Wombwell, so have you ever seen a UFO in the skies over the town, if so what have you seen?   

From BuzzFeed, here are 10 Things We All Secretly Do While Driving: 

1.         Celebrate when your indicator blinks at the same rate as the car in front of you

2.         Pretend you're being followed by spies when the car behind you turns down all the same streets

3.         Think up your own acronyms for other people's license plates (e.g. if the plate is FX 12 BLD, "Big Loser Driving")

4.         Talk to traffic lights to make them change quicker.

5.         See how far you can go on empty

6.         Hold your breath when passing a cemetery

7.         Turn down the car radio when trying to pinpoint an address

8.         Feel like a racing driver when you take a bend too fast (and you make a 'squealing tyres' sound with your voice)

9.         Count train carriages as they pass

10.        Congratulate yourself after beating an amber light (this is a bad thing!) 

Is the sun setting on summer? Heavy rain threatens the Bank Holiday weekend we’re being told. The forecasters are warning this morning that our summer is over. Temperatures are unlikely to top 20C this bank holiday weekend, after hitting 32C last Sunday. The wet weather is coming in from the west because the jet stream has moved south again and 2 massive areas of low pressure are on the way. It means Leeds festival and the Notting Hill Carnival and Cheltenham races are all at risk this coming weekend and the AA says motorists have had to contend with a 6p-a-litre hike in petrol prices since the start of the summer, even though the price of a barrel of crude oil hasn’t gone up as much to reflect the price hike… It also looks like the Rugby League Challenge Cup final at Wembley will be a washout 

They reckon we’re saving almost a £1billion a week by taking advantage of discount codes, special offers and freebies. The Bargain hunters amongst us are tightening the purse strings and searching for price deals and cashing in money-off vouchers. And our frugal approach has helped to save an estimated £51bn in the past year alone. The average adult now saves £1,196 a year on deals, while 90% of use buy discounted goods and take advantage of weekly high street deals. 42% of us are more interested in finding a bargain than we were last. A fifth of us rarely buy anything at full price and 15% of us shop around to make sure we didn’t pay over the odds. Deals on meals out are the top target for discounts. I’ve got a mate who loves bargain hunting, it’s become obsessive and excessive, and she now becomes furious if she has to pay full price for anything. She expects a good deal everywhere and feels comfortable bartering anywhere to get the best price. What’s the best ‘Haggle’ you’ve ever got? The best bargain? 

If you’re due an upgrade soon – HOLD ON! If you’re fed up with super slow mobile internet ‘Superfast 4G’ is on the way, before Christmas. Ofcom gave permission for a new service to launch yesterday, Everything Everywhere from Orange and T-Mobile, as early as next week. The new service will be available in the major parts of the country they’re promising before Christmas…It would be better first if they made sure everyone had a decent signal, here it’s terrible, and we’re not out in the sticks we’re in the middle of town! O2 and Vodaphone won’t be able to give it to us till late next year, but we’ll be able to get speeds of up to 25 megs on Orange and T Mobile soon because they’ve been able to convert their existing frequencies and use unused bits for the new service… But we'll need to buy a new handset to take full advantage of it, and the rumours are the new iPhone will support it. Three will also be supporting the new service 

If you want your friends and neighbours to know you've made it, get a hot tub! According to a new report, we think having a Jacuzzi rockets us to the top of the social food chain. Its topped a list of ‘ultimate status symbols’ with 69% of us citing it as proof someone had made it - closely followed by an American style fridge and a walk-in wardrobe… I can't see the appeal of hot tubs. I find the idea of sitting in a bubbling vat of other people's dead skin repugnant. I do have one of the things on the list though… I have a walk in wardrobe; it’s called ‘The spare box room!’ 

How Posh Are You? 

Guys, how many of your mates from school are you still in touch with? Women are twice as good at making friends for life according to a new survey. One in three girls say their best friend today is still the pal they met at school...Girls, on average have five friends from school, men just 1. The survey says a quarter of men and a third of women have used Facebook, to re-establish friendships we had at school… I’ve got two great friends. One I've known since I was 4 years old and another when I was 13. 20 years since I left school and we keep in touch. 

TRADITIONAL household skills like home baking, making pastry and sewing buttons are dying out – because modern mums are too busy to learn them, a study has revealed… 90% of girls today can’t starch a shirt, & more than half struggle to sew name tags in their kids clothes. Three-quarters can’t make gravy from scratch, and half don’t know how to rustle up a Victoria sponge. 

MAN’S best friend is more popular than kids with many couples. 40% of adults say having a dog is better than having moaning kids all summer! And one in four says that though their children come first they actually prefer going out with the dog. One reason is the devotion of a four-legged friend to its owners, with 80% of those questioned praising their pet for being loving. & only 50% could say the same even for their partners! The Kennel Club survey comes as it launches its Open for Dogs Week to encourage businesses like restaurants to welcome the UK’s eight million Fidos & Rovers. It has compiled a website, openfordogs.org.uk, listing more than 26,000 places throughout the country that lets pets inside. Given how much we love spending time with our dogs, it is surprising that there are still so many businesses that refuse to allow them in, but there is a real appetite for this to change.” 

Norman from Worsbrough Dale had a go at Look Who’s Talking, he guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about a bedroom...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 in the morning!

• It’s Good Roads Day, National Spumoni Day, International Rocket Week, National Fuel Efficiency Month and National Road Victim Month. 

• The Tax Payers' Alliance and Petrol Retailers' Association are putting up "fuel tax stands” at 5,000 petrol stations from today. These show the break-down of tax we pay for fuel. On £30 – £18 is tax, £12 is the cost of the fuel – and just £1 of that goes to the retailer. 

• The UK's one-millionth uninsured vehicle (since 2005) will be seized today in Birmingham. 

• A survey out today says that the average parent is spending £10,021 on toys before a child turns 18, even though play experts say children can be entertained with toys worth just £6.12. 

• Public sector borrowing figures are published by the Office for National Statistics at 9.30am 

• FOOTBALL – CHAMPIONSHIP – Wolves v Barnsley 

• The Channel 5 ‘Dallas’ launch party. Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy, Jesse Metcalfe, Josh Henderson, Linda Gray all star in the re-make. What 80s TV soap would you like to see back on the box? 

• Hollywood stars have paid tribute to the British film director Tony Scott, who's died after jumping from a bridge in Los Angeles. It's reported he had contracted inoperable brain cancer. He was famous for his breakthrough film Top Gun. Tom Cruise says "Tony was my dear friend and I will really miss him." 

• Knitwear has topped the chart as the least frequently washed item for women; with 65% of girls saying they only wash their knitwear after 2 weeks of wearing it. Bras came a close second, with just under half, of those polled admitting to usually washing theirs after 10 days of wear. 

• Spandau Ballet star Martin Kemp's revealed he once resorted to using £10 notes when he ran out of loo roll on a night-out. He admitted to the pricey alternative during a discussion with his Celebrity Big Bore housemates about their toilet habits. The housemates face their first eviction on Wednesday night with Jasmine Lennard and fellow model Rhian Sugden facing the axe. 

• The kids are back at school in just 2 weeks… They reckon the average family have 84 arguments over the summer holidays. Parental bust-ups include, money, keeping the kids busy and fall-outs between the little ones themselves means the average family bickers at least twice a day. That's 14 rows a week or 84 over the six-week week holiday. 

• Blokes aged 18-25 are the worst at washing their pants. A third of guys wear their pants for THREE days in a row before washing them, according to a survey. Only 35% of guys say they put on clean pants every day. 

• Blokes waste 276 miles a year by getting lost. That's the equivalent of a journey from London to Newcastle. For women, the figure is 256 miles. A quarter of men wait half an hour before asking for directions. One in ten of us guys point blank refuse to ask a stranger for help. 

• Parents spend over £1,400 a year in hush money for their kids to keep their secrets. A survey of parents has found we’re paying for around 83 'junior super injunctions' a year by asking the kids to keep secrets… And often it’s from the other parent. 

• DIVORCES are being held up because recession-hit couples are fighting… Not over who gets what in the house, or the kids, or the dog… They’re fighting over super- market and airline loyalty points. 

• Here's a sobering thought ready for the bank holiday weekend… They reckon we’ll down more than 5,800 pints of booze in our lifetime. Not only that but we’ll also sup 8,700 glasses of wine and 2,900 bottles of cider…. 

• Millions of guys are happy to join in with 'chick hits' when they're in their car alone, we’re being told this morning. One in five love singing along to a bit of Shirley Bassey, Wham, Five Star or Take That…. 

• Beyonce doesn't always stick to a strict diet – at the weekend, she treats herself to cakes and pork pies... I do that on a Saturday in town... I bet you can’t walk past the pasty shop without getting a couple of sausage rolls too! She’s told us she tends to eat well during the week and then eat whatever she wants on Sundays. 

• Red wine isn’t usually associated with being steady on your feet. But a ‘miracle ingredient’ in it could have that effect, scientists claim. They say that resveratrol, which is already credited with a host of health benefits, boosts balance and improves mobility. 

A Barnsley woman is hoping her story will help others. Suzanne Wilson's husband Daniel died from a brain tumour last year – it had spread after he was diagnosed with skin cancer.  She's now raising awareness of the disease and money. To hear Suzanne's story go to the news pages of the Dearne FM website. 

Two Barnsley men have been charged with drugs trafficking.  It follows a major police operation across the whole of South Yorkshire last week. They both appeared before Rotherham magistrates at the weekend and have remanded into custody. 

There are concerns over a Thurnscoe man who hasn't been seen since last week. 29 year old Stephen Rogers disappeared last Thursday though he did call his mum on Sunday. Police say they are worried about his welfare. 

There's an injury crisis down at Oakwell with the championship only just underway.  Jim McNulty, Paul Digby, Matt Done and John Stones are all out after picking up injuries over the weekend. They now face Wolves who were beaten 1-0 by Leeds in their opener. We told you yesterday that the Reds had managed to sign defender Martin Cranie - the ex Coventry player put pen to paper on a 1 year deal. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on History... 

Which million selling model with plenty of 'horsepower' was Matchbox's first sales success in 1953?  

The answer to yesterday’s question...The English word Admiral comes from which language originally? was Arabic.  

I have few real bug-bears in life but the one thing that really gets my goat is being tailgated by another driver. On the way to work this morning I had a van come speeding up behind me on the way to work and then proceed to drive really close to me with his lights on full beam. I slowed to allow him to pass but he continued to tailgate me for the next 3 miles before turning off at which point I realised I had just been tailgated by an ambulance! Was it a quiet shift? Was he maybe trying to drum up business? 

Horror classic, The Exorcist, is still freaking us out – 40 years since it was released. It's been named the most disturbing movie of all time. It beat shockers such as Saw & The Texas Chainsaw Massacre… And ‘Spiceworld the Movie’…….. Well that was shocking wasn’t it?! ‘What’s the scariest movie that you’ve ever seen?’ Final Destination 5 is out this week, and they reckon it’s the goriest in the series….What film have you seen, that makes you put a pillow over your face and sing ‘LA LA LA LA’ in your head as a gory scene is on?

You’ve tried the cabbage diet, the sprout diet, and the Atkins diet...How about the fags and chocolate diet? Cheryl Cole keeps in shape with syrupy water, marshmallows, chocolate...And 20 fags a day. And she exercises using those shape up with Davina DVDs on the telly to stay fit because she doesn’t like to go out in case the ‘paps’ take her picture while she is shopping in L.A.. 

Millions of guys are happy to join in with 'chick hits' when they're in their car alone, we’re being told this morning. One in five love singing along to a bit of Shirley Bassey, Wham, Five Star or Take That….A study of 3,000 motorists shows a similar amount of women enjoy belting out 'macho classics'. Top of girls wish lists ‘Kings Of Leon’ but Robbie Williams is streets ahead being named male motorists' secret pleasure. 

A TOP Premier League footballer gets a bank busting 20 times as much cash per hour than a GP. Stars such as Britain’s highest-paid footballer Yaya Touré even make 10 times more than David Cameron for each 60 minutes they put into their job. But even the Man City midfielder’s wage is dwarfed by the top movie actors. Stars such as Daniel Craig can get more than £10,000 per hour worked, making them the highest earners. A new survey of hourly pay also finds our entry level soldiers get just £7.96, they beat waiters who are bottom of the pile, working long days for a low wage to net just £3.17 an hour. 

TOP FIVE PAY PER HOUR 

Actor                                                    £10,841.68

Author                                                  £  6,144.34

Tennis player                                         £  4,338.10

Supermodel                                          £  3,326.45

Premier League Footballer                     £     822.07 

BOTTOM FIVE PER HOUR 

Gardener                                               £9.70

Cook                                                    £7.97

Army (new recruit, lower rank)                 £7.96

Receptionist                                          £6.50

Waiter                                                   £3.17 

The Sun health editor says this morning that A DAILY latte coffee can make you pile on 10lbs in a year, experts warn. One sweetened milky drink from the big coffee chains have over FOUR TIMES the calories of an ordinary cup and the boom in high street coffee shops is helping to fuel our obesity epidemic, according to fitness trainers’ body the Register Of Exercise Professionals. 10lbs on your waist and £100 out of pocket with their prices 

Most of the Country will enjoy a last few days of warmth this week before the summer finally bows out, but the last burst of heat will only grace the South. A clear divide is going to see the North battered by rain with temperatures struggling to rise above 60F from tomorrow, and the whole country faces a bleak picture by the weekend with experts warning summer will evaporate to bring a "washout” bank holiday. The rest of August is likely to be cold and windy as well with below-average temperatures. By the end of the week the rot really will have set in with a damp, miserable, cold bank holiday and remainder of August. The Met Office advised the 1.5 million heading for London’s Notting Hill Carnival to take umbrellas as "showers or longer spells of rain will spread to all areas”. Hundreds of thousands face mud at festivals such as Reading, Leeds and Cream fields... Hands up anyone that is surprised by the bank holiday weather forecast… 

There’s a new way to see how to pay for your petrol and diesel. Signs are being put up at petrol stations, to show drivers how much tax they're paying on fuel. 5000 "fuel tax stands" are going up around the country. They show that on a bill of £30, £18 goes to the government in tax and just £12 covers the fuel, with the retailer getting just £1. Another survey this morning says we can pay £250 a year more for petrol in some areas. Humberside has the most expensive fuel at 137.9p per litre, while the Grampian area is the cheapest at 129.7p. 

A new survey shows just over one in six of us are now uncomfortable discussing the value of our homes with our closest friends. It now ranks with our sex lives, affairs and the states of our finances among the top 10 taboo topics that we ‘don’t like to talk about. Researchers say it beat the classically off limits subjects of politics and religion as the subject we’re least likely to want to discuss when we get together with a group of mates. Top of the pile is what goes on upstairs, with almost a third of us saying we’d be uncomfortable discussing it with even our closest friends. That knocks money down to a close third place, with over a quarter saying we’d refuse to talk about finances. A similar number say we’d not be comfortable discussing our salary. Aside from 'work' or the weather it doesn't leave a whole lot else to talk about does it? What WOULD you and what WOULD’NT you talk about at a party with mates? 

Top 10 Taboo Topics 

1          Sex Life                                    32%

2          Infidelity                                    31%

3          Personal Finances                     28%

4          Salary                                       25%

5          Family planning                         19%

6          Relationship with partner            18%

7          Home Value                              16%

8          Politics                                     13%

9          Serious Illness                             9%

10         Religion                                      7%     

A 200 calorie version of the Mars Bar is launched today, that’s 50 calories less than normal. They’ve done it by losing the layer of nougat...so is it still a Mars bar? The Mars Caramel, which has had the nougat layer removed weighs in at 45g and 204 calories (453 calories per 100g). So, they’re claiming it makes it smaller and healthier than the normal Mars bar, which is some 58g and 260 calories (396.5 calories per 100g)...so in making the bars healthier they now have more calories per 100g than before... Good job! 

Red wine isn’t usually associated with being steady on your feet. But a ‘miracle ingredient’ in it could have that effect on pensioners, scientists claim. They say that resveratrol, which is already credited with a host of health benefits from cutting cholesterol to warding off cancer, boosts balance and improves mobility. I think I'll try a few clinical tests myself later tonight and we’ll see how I get on… I can't understand it, normally makes me fall over… What am I doing wrong!!? 

THE traditional British morning cuppa could be on the way out. More than a third of us are now opting for green tea at breakfast. As a nation we still drink 165 million cups of tea every day. But 36% of us are turning our backs on the traditional English Breakfast and Earl Grey. Green tea, made from the Asian plant Camellia sinensis, has become popular for its health benefits. 

Here's a sobering thought ready for the bank holiday weekend…They reckon we’ll down more than 5,800 pints of booze in our lifetime. Not only that but we’ll also sup 8,700 glasses of wine and 2,900 bottles of cider…. And while we only have a drink around 3 nights a week, 57% of this booze is consumed at home. In total this costs us a wallet-busting £58,201…That’s around 456 drinks a year...Now you know why you’ve got a hangover… In fact you’ll suffer 726 hangovers in an average lifetime… 

Scientists have discovered that standing near to a close friend feels almost as good as being wrapped up in your duvet. They found people felt up to 2C (3.6F) warmer when standing 2ft away from someone they were emotionally close to, and colder when they were with a person who did not share the same interests. So now, not only can you measure friends by humour, loyalty and wit…You can give them tog rating to! 

Have you noticed the leaves on the trees are going brown already? AUTUMN appears to be here weeks early – and the hot, dry spring is to blame they reckon. Leaves are changing colour, fruits are ripening and autumn is here, way ahead of schedule. They’re blaming the hot spring for it this morning… Trees and shrubs are under a lot of water stress, and it makes them get rid of their leaves the Royal Horticultural society say. They reckon autumn has come several weeks earlier than it should have... After the dry spring and warmest April, May and June…Then, it went dull and drizzly for the rest of the summer... July and August has brought mixed weather, with it feeling more like autumn most days. The trend looks set to continue this week and next…Then the kids are back at school and autumn will officially be here… 

DIVORCES are being held up because recession-hit couples are fighting…Not over who gets what in the house, or the kids, or the dog… They’re fighting over super- market and airline loyalty points. Family law firms are saying this morning that we put several thousand pounds a year through these supermarket loyalty cards and we’re demanding points or money from them… 

Guys may have the reputation for straying but it turns out women are more likely to get caught up in a love triangle. Almost a quarter of women asked for a survey have been romantically involved with more than one person at a time, but just 15% of men admitted to two-timing. And of those love triangles about 18% started on Facebook or Twitter! that’ll be all that poking and flirting…The poll also showed 50% of us think you can be in love with more than one person at a time. High earners are more likely to stray than those on lower wages…. We’ll all be fine round here then…. 

Anne from Town had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about the cinema...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 in the morning!

• It’s World Union Day, National Nap Day, Dogfight Day, National Chocolate Pecan Pie Day, National Homeless Animals Day, International Rocket Week, National Fuel Efficiency Month and National Road Victim Month. 

• ‘Keith Lemon: The Film’ – UK film premiere – Leicester Square, London, 5:30PM/ Also stars Laura Aikman, Verne Troyer, Kelly Brook, David Hasselhoff and Kevin Bishop. 

• The price of houses up for sale saw the biggest ever August drop as they sank by 2.4%, according to Rightmove's latest House Price Index, out this morning. 

• At the International Space Station there is a spacewalk – Expedition 32 Russian Commander Gennady Padalka and Flight Engineer Yuri Malenchenko undertake a 6.5 hour spacewalk to relocate a cargo boom from the Pirs docking compartment airlock to the Zarya module. 

• Sky pundit and former England, Chelsea and Manchester United player Ray Wilkins stands trial charged with drink-driving after being arrested in the early hours of May 7th. 

• FOOTBALL – PREMIER LEAGUE – Everton v Manchester United (8pm) 

• CRICKET – England v South Africa – Day 5 of the 3^rd Investec Test – Lords. 

• It was boiling over the weekend! Tesco sold 5.2million ice lollies, 500,000 tubs of ice cream, 650,000 burgers, 350,000 sausages and 250,000 bags of charcoal as Brits dug out their barbecues 

• DAVID Beckham took home a whopping £13.3million last year, his accounts reveal this morning. It means David earned over £36,000 a DAY as the face of brands like Armani, Adidas, Samsung and Diet Coke. 

• Get a new hat! A wedding’s on the way! TENNIS star Andy Murray has announced he’ll wed long-term girlfriend Kim Sears next summer. 

• USAIN Bolt has been slapped with a ban on clubbing in London because his agent says as he cannot resist the women and parties. He’s not even allowed to celebrate his 26th birthday later this week. He’s in The Express this morning saying he’s got plans to quit athletics one day and develop his cricketing skills. 

• Sponge Bob Square Pants’ has been deemed a "real threat to children" by the Ukrainian National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality. The government commission has called for the show to be banned because it alleges it’s got ‘homoerotic subtext’ He a big bath sponge in a pair of Y fronts… one word: Ridiculous. 

• The bookies reckon Martin Kemp will win Celebrity Big Bore. And CORRIE legend Julie Goodyear has got loads of public figures quaking after saying she’ll name and shame "sex pests’’ who badgered her. She has told housemates people "in positions of power” were queuing up to be with her in her heyday. 

• Can there really be anymore pub singers or supermarket women whose workmates say "you should do that for a living" left? Well it seems there might be…. 16-year-old Ella Henderson did her own song on Saturdays X Factor and is being labelled the "new Adele” this morning. Then there was supermarket worker Jahmene Douglas, who at 21 got a standing ovation after performing the Etta James classic "At Last”. 

• PRINCE Philip is in a "comfortable” condition this morning after spending his 5th night in hospital. And he had no visits by the Royal Family yesterday – for the second day in a row... Buckingham Palace say: "He is still responding well to antibiotics.” 

• A PENSIONER with crippling arthritis has discovered a simple cure for his condition according to The Express… He’s put copper coins in his shoes. Four weeks later he claims he is cured. Now he is urging other arthritis sufferers to try it. 

• A man from Ballymena, in Northern Ireland has netted himself £2 million for getting his wife’s age wrong. Paddy Millar used birthdays and anniversary dates for his numbers in the Euromillions. He says his wife, Gail didn’t complain when she realised the mistake and has forgiven him… Yeah, especially considering he made her younger – but what would she have done if he’d made her older? They won £1,994,322.90. 

• Whether it's Brussels sprouts or black pudding, we’ve been revealed as the nation most likely to leave food on our plates. And although there an international delicacy and served in restaurants across the world, snails topped the list as most hated food. Tripe, oysters, squid and anchovies also made up the top end of the ‘gastro-dislike’ list. 

• WOMEN who wear body shaping underwear to look slimmer are risking their health, doctors are saying this morning. Apparently it does nerve damage, creates gastro-intestinal problems and blood clots. 

• Owners of dangerous dogs which attack members of the public could face 18 months in jail. Courts in England and Wales can hand out stiffer sentences from today – as ministers try to crack down on irresponsible owners 

Patients receiving treatment for cancer at Barnsley Hospital are pleased with the level of care they've been given. The hospital has been ranked amongst the top 10 highest scoring trusts in the 2012 National Cancer Patient Experience Survey. The study asked patients how sensitively they'd been dealt with, how much dignity and respect they'd been shown and the quality of their treatment and post-discharge support. 

The Olympics may be over but for one Great Houghton teenager it's something he's never going to forget. 18 year-old Ryan Bramley won a Digital Media Centre Bursary, giving him the opportunity to report on the basketball. He says he was amazed at how the crowd really got behind the players. 

School Test...

Today’s homework question is on English... 

The English word Admiral comes from which language originally?  

The answer to Friday’s question... In an EMP bomb, what do the letters E M P stand for? was Electro Magnetic Pulse.  

Some parts of the country were hotter than Egypt over the weekend with temperatures nudging 33C yesterday. Resorts on the south coast were packed out with many reporting their busiest days of the year. Brighton’s pebbles had 400,000 visitors while Bournemouth reported tailbacks as 100,000 sun lovers filled seven miles of sand. Blackpool seafront had 200,000 tourists as ice cream sales rocketed. Tesco sold 5.2million ice lollies, 500,000 tubs of ice cream, 650,000 burgers, 350,000 sausages and 250,000 bags of charcoal as Brits dug out their barbecues. We were hotter than the Hawaiian capital of Honolulu, which hit 28C, as well as Casablanca in Morocco and Mersa Matruh in Egypt, which both peaked at 32C. And an official heatwave health alert was issued in the south-east and east last night. Health and social workers were ordered to contact and watch over vulnerable groups including the elderly, ill and parents of newborn babies. But the warmth is now coming to an end with thunderstorms hitting us overnight in the south and moving north later. The Met Office says in the north and midlands there could be potential flooding. The Met Office say: "Temperatures will decrease from today.” 

AN APPLE a day can keep high blood pressure away – as long as you eat the peel. Scientists in Canada have found that it is more effective than other "superfoods” including green tea and blueberries as a source of antioxidants and chemical compounds called flavonoids that combat the potentially life-threatening condition. Researchers in Nova Scotia tested the peel and the fleshy fruit of apples separately. They carried out a study using samples of an enzyme called ACE which is known to cause hypertension and high blood pressure. The peel was found to be up to six times more effective, according to the team’s results in the journal Food Chemistry. 

They’re calling it the ‘fourth sexual orientation’...1% of the population now considers themselves ‘asexual’ according to a new report. Leading academics are suggesting that the sexualisation of our culture has turned some people off sexual feelings, to the extent that millions do not have physical attraction to others at all. 

A PENSIONER with crippling arthritis has discovered a simple cure for his condition according to The Express… He’s put copper coins in his shoes. Johnny Franks has suffered for 15 years and could barely bend his knees without excruciating pain. But after reading that expensive copper insoles can ease the condition, he decided to shove four two pence coins in his socks to see if they helped. Four weeks later he claims he is cured, now he is urging other arthritis sufferers to try it. 

LANDLORDS were celebrating over the weekend after a case against foreign satellite decoders being used to show Saturday games collapsed. High Court judges said the action against a couple of landlords (Andrew and Christine Crawford) from the Railway Inn in Frodsham, Cheshire, was "void”. They said the organisation used in the prosecution was not qualified to bring criminal cases. And HUNDREDS of publicans found guilty in the past of illegally showing Premier League football matches may have been wrongly convicted too. The High Court ruling also means many landlords who avoid paying thousands a month to Sky may have their convictions overturned. The Premier League though has hit back saying "The judgment is in regard to a legal technicality and does not change the fact that we have copyright protected work in our broadcasts.” So it’s game on for the premier league in the pub this weekend – until they haul someone else in and sort it out… 

The government says our golden Olympic heroes won’t get an automatic Queen’s Honours. As a result games champs, such as heptathlete Jessica Ennis are not guaranteed a gong. In the past medal winners were rewarded for their sporting exploits in previous games. David Cameron, is saying today that honours will be for more than ‘just winning in London’ and they have” given something back to their sport”. 

A new survey says MARRIAGE really does drive women to drink – leading them to drink more alcohol than their single or divorced friends. Married men, on the other hand, tend to drink less after getting hitched. The University of Cincinnati, says we’re influenced by our other halves habits. So women generally increase their intake to keep up with men, while men cut back to come down to the girl’s level... After divorce, though, men are much more likely than women to turn to alcohol… 

A cure for baldness may be available sooner than previously thought after a breakthrough in negotiations between scientists and drugs companies. Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered the reason for baldness, an enzyme which shuts down hair follicles. They’ll announce later that several pharmaceutical companies are developing treatments which could be available in two years… It would just be my luck I’d develop the hairiest hands on earth from applying any lotion and still be bald... 

Whether it's Brussels sprouts or black pudding, we’ve been revealed as the nation most likely to leave food on our plates. And although there an international delicacy and served in restaurants across the world, snails topped the list as most hated food. Tripe, oysters, squid and anchovies also made up the top end of the ‘gastro-dislike’ list. I can guarantee around 70% of these people that say they don't like a particular food, haven't tried it. And I bet the top favourites were fish and chips, chips and pie, sausage roll and chips and anything else that goes with chips. 

TOP 10 MOST HATED FOODS 

1.         Snails

2.         Tripe

3.         Oysters

4.         Squid

5.         Anchovies

6.         Liver

7.         Cockles

8.         Kidneys

9.         Olives

10.        Black pudding 

HARD-PRESSED twenty something’s are resorting to drastic measures to make ends meet, including selling their hair, lap dancing and skipping meals. More than 2,000 young adults, including graduates, students and unemployed school leavers, were questioned in a poll for a firm of financial consultants. It says half of all kids have not received any formal financial education. Nearly a quarter (22%) said they knew of someone who had gone without food because they could not afford three meals a day. 3% said they knew someone who’d sold their hair. 10% had heard of someone who’d got sucked into drug dealing to make extra money. 8% said they knew someone else who’d worked doing, glamour modelling, escort work, lap dancing or even stripping. 

Cats who can’t wait to be fed or beg for food at the table could be suffering from a mental illness, a study this morning says. Although we may find it adorable when the cat is meowing by its bowl a group of vets now say it is in fact a sign of a severe eating disorder. Well I guess that 99.9% of cats have mental health problems then. They reckon that cats that are too eager to be fed may well need psychological treatment, as well as their dinner. Yes, it's definitely a psychological disorder. It's called a 'Greedypuss Complex'. The condition has been named Psychogenic Abnormal Feeding Behaviour… 

Josie from Athersley had a go at Look Who’s Talking, she guessed that 7 year-old Libby was talking about on the moon...it wasn’t right so the prizes roll on to 8:20 in the morning!